Days Like This Piss Me Off.

 

I was bolted out of bed at 4:00 Am this morning from a nasty nightmare where I couldn’t find Brian.  So it didn’t help when I looked over to the right side of the bed and he wasn’t there.  Gah!  Sweaty, panting and near hysteria I bolted up out of bed (NEVER a good thing for me) and started balling my eyes out.  Stumbling around the frozen tundra of my AC’d bedroom I started wailing for Brian.  Poor man, he bolts off the couch and runs smack dab into me in the hall way connecting our bedroom to the den.  Where he had fallen asleep…as usual.  After he calmed me down — don’t know how that man puts up with me — I could feel his own heart beating madly in his chest as he hugged me close — I then got a mad case of fire breathing heartburn.  *sigh*  Ate 2 rolaids and a pepcid chewable, drank a glass of water and went back to bed.

Then I bolted out of bed again at 7:30 AM, confused and scared shitless from another frikken nightmare.  This one was just too weird.  I was in some type of GINORMOUS hospital.  The thing took up space practically big enough for a city.  In the dream our rooms were kinda like posh hotel suites and my childhood friend Cheryl was in it.  Seems I was having some kind of lesbian affair with her.  Which is weird in and of itself because frankly, I have no lesbian tendencies.  Then it flashes to me carrying 2 big glasses…one filled with ice and the other filled with this soda stuff that I was convinced they were poisoning us with.  In the dream I was going to bust out of this hospital/lab type place and tell the world about this stuff they were experimenting on us with.  As soon as I stepped away from the fountain with my cups alarms started ringing and armed guards came from out of nowhere.  However, I kept managing to run right past them through the doors.  Some of them were even holding the doors as they looked for the escapee…which was me.  I got outside but I was lost.  I had no idea where I was.  I was looking for the car I had borrowed to get there.  (Which was funny because it was the old Blue Sprint Brian and I once drove in Florida.)  But I had come out on the wrong side of the hospital.  Not the side where I had parked the car.  I come upon a man and ask him where the parking lot is.  He gets nasty with me and tells me he doesn’t have time to give me directions because he’s a judge.  I ask him his name and he refuses to tell me and asks me why I want to know.  I said I wanted to know because my boss was an attorney and I wondered if he ever presided over one of my bosses trials.  The next thing I know my old best friend Kim comes out holding her daughter Nicole.  I go over to them and ask her to take me to the car.  She completely looks through me and goes over to the man who said he was a judge, they laugh and walk off.  Then I am wandering around looking for a phone to call Brian.  Even though in the dream I knew he and I were separated…because of my affair with Cheryl.  So I’m wandering around this futuristic looking metropolitan area outside this weird hospital and all of a sudden I realize I no longer have the cups and there are now about a hundred people starting to chase me.  They kept shifting shapes. 

The next thing I know I am sitting in the den on the chair and vaguely awake?!?!  I’m beyond confused now and start to cry because I don’t understand how I got there and I still feel as if I am in a dream state and people are chasing me.  Brian said I woke up, I walked in the living room in a total panic attack, shaking and hollering for him to get the car that there were people chasing me and trying to lock me back up and poison me.  He said I then started to weave and he knew I was going to fall so he caught me and put me in the chair while the seizure finished. 

Fuck.

I still have that panicked feeling inside that’s telling me I’m in danger and not in familiar territory.  In spite of the fact I know I am safely at home and no one is coming to get me.

Damn.

And I was having a really great weekend too.  So I came here to write it all out.

Yesterday I got so much accomplished.  Including almost being seen totally nude by a roofer.  I was taking a shower after cleaning the whole house and I hear these voices really close. I turned off the water and I heard my Landlady and a man’s voice right over head.  I have a skylight in my shower, which was open because it was hotter than hell up here yesterday, and damned if they aren’t on the roof right near my open window and nekkid body.  Gah!!  So being paranoid I’d be seen in my nekkid vulerable state I jumped out of the shower…sudsy and with conditioner in my hair still.  Man, can’t she call us before she does shit like that?  Do I have a right to call her and say something about it?  Grrrr.

Other than that yesterday was quiet and laid back and I really had that sense inside of everything being right in my world.  I love that feeling.  I was like, really just happy with who I am yesterday.  I was so hoping to carry that feeling through to at least today.

Instead I feel lost, panicked and anxious.  Meh.

 

 

More meme to occupy my mind playing mind. 

 This stolen from midnight ravyne who stole it from Ican6405.

REPOST AND PUT AN X IN WHAT YOU’VE DONE!!!

(X) smoked a cigarette
(X) smoked a cigar
(X) smoked anything else
( ) made out with a member of the same sex (kissed, not made out with)
( ) crashed a friend’s car

(X) been in love
( ) been dumped (I’m the dumpee.)
(X) shoplifted (13-years-old 1st time and caught.)
(X) been fired
(X) been in a fist fight

()snuck out of parent’s house (friend Missy’s parents house.  Never my own.)
(X) had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
() been arrested (detained in store by police.  Released to my friend’s mom.)
() made out with a stranger
() gone on a blind date

() lied to a friend (If you don’t want to know — don’t ask me.)
() had a crush on a teacher
(X) skipped school
(X) seen someone die

() had/have a crush on one of your Open Diaryfriends
(X) been to Canada
() been to Mexico
(X) been on a plane
() thrown up in a bar

<font color=”#ff00ff”>() eaten Sushi
() been snowboarding
(X) met someone BECAUSE of Open Diary
(X) been moshing at a concert

() been in an abusive relationship (yeah, that was never gonna happen with me.)
(X) taken painkillers (wish I had some today!  Ouch, my muscles hurt.)
(X) love someone right now
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel

() had a tea party (been to a tea party…unless having them when you were a kid counts I’ve never given one.)
(X) flown a kite
(X) built a sand castle
(X) gone puddle jumping
(X) played dress up

(X) jumped into a pile of leaves( much fun)
(X) gone sledding
() cheated while playing a game
(X) been lonely
() fallen asleep at work/school

() used a fake ID
(X) watched the sun set
(X) felt an earthquake (I think it was last summer that one happened here.  Small, but it shook our house.)
(X) touched a snake

(X) been tickled (I hate being tickled…so unless you want a black eye, don’t.)
(/) been robbed (almost…and I caught the sucker.  Entry in here somewhere about it.  Heh.)
( ) robbed someone
(X) been misunderstood

(X) won a contest
(X) been suspended from school (Once, for smoking.)
() had detention
(X) been in a car accident

() had braces
() eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) had deja vu
() danced in the moonlight

(X) [hate]d the way you look
(X) witnessed a crime
() pole danced
() questioned your heart
() been obsessed with post-it notes

(X) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost (HA!  Just this morning.  Lost in my own damned house.)
(X) been to the opposite side of the country (Florida.)
(X) swam in the ocean
(X) felt like dying

(X) cried yourself to sleep
(X) played cops and robbers
(X) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(X) sung karaoke
()paid for a meal with only coins

(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn’t
(X) made prank phone calls
(X) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) kissed in the rain

(X) written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) been kissed under a mistletoe
(X) watched the sun set with someone you care about
(X) blown bubbles
() made a bonfire on the beach

() crashed a party
() have traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(X) gone rollerskating/blading
(X) had a wish come true
() humped a monkey (this is just wrong, called beastiality and illegal in all states.)

(X) worn pearls
() jumped off a bridge
() screamed "penis" in class
() ate dog food
(X) told a complete stranger you loved them

(X) sang in the shower
(X) have a little black dress
() had sex in a park
(X) had sex in the bathoom
(X) had sex in a bedroom that wasn’t yours
() had a dream that you married someone
() glued your hand to something

(X) got your toungue stuck to a pole
(X) kissed a fish (does a porpoise count?)
(X) worn the opposite sexes clothes
(X) been a cheerleader
(X) sat on a roof top

() had sex at a church (This is just wrong on so many levels.)
(X) had sex outside
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
(X) done a one-handed cartwheel
(X) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(X) stayed up all night

() didnt take a shower for a week (EUW!)
(X) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(X) climbed a tree
() had a tree house
(X) are scared to watch scary movies alone (because if I am alone the monsters will come through the tv and get me ya know, or at the very least possess me.)

(X) believe in ghosts
(X) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
(X) worn a really ugly outfit to school
() gone streaking
() played ding-dong-ditch

(X) played chicken fight
(X) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(X) been told you’re hot by a complete stranger
(X) broken a bone
(X) been easily amused (all the time.)

() caught a fish then ate it (I could never kill something and eat it.)

() caught a butterfly (NO!  Why?  If you touch them you rub off something and then they can never fly again.  That’s ust sad.)
(X) laughed so hard you cried
(X) cried so hard you laughed

() made porn

(X) mooned/flashed someone
(X) had someone moon/flash you
(X) cheated on a test
(X) forgotten someone’s name

() slept naked (No way.  There’ll be a fire!  I’m sure of it.)
(X) French braided someones hair
() gone skinny dippin in a pool
(X) been kicked out of your house

 What have you done?