How Many?

I know someone who just found out that the baby she is carrying is a girl.  Yesterday I asked her to predict the number of Barbies the child would have by age 5.

She said 2.

(Pause while laughter dies down.)

I gave her a chance to revise her guess, but she stuck with 2.  And then she said, "How many Barbies does one kid need?" *scoffs* as if need is ever the determining factor.  The poor thing then went on to say that there would be plenty of outfits that the two dolls could be changed into.

How can I relay to someone so disconnected from reality that the number of Barbies will be endless?  Furthermore, they will all be naked and their outfits clumped together in one big heap yet the child will be able to identify Malibu Barbie from Animal Lovin’ Barbie even without clothes and accessories.  Some will have haircuts, some will be decorated with markers and some will have string, yarn and various other scraps tied around them.

There will be a small number of Skippers and Kellys and a few assorted Barbie animals although there will be one Ken* and he will probably be headless.

I didn’t have the heart to introduce her to the Barbie Taking Town House, the Barbie Dream House, the Barbie Magi-key Beach House, the Barbie Fold n’ Fun House and the Barbie Family House.

*Everyone knows that the play revolving around Barbie and Ken is just window dressing and that they have now officially broken up.  But is Ken truly a think of the past?  It would appear that he has already been replaced by Barbie for Blaine, the blonde dude from Australia.  Have they both been replaced now by the nameless "Handsome Groom" doll? 

And really that’s all you need for a Barbie wedding – 17 assorted bridesmaids, a flower sheepdog, a ring-bearing horse and one non-specific "handsome groom".