New Bling & Old Fathers

My new eyeglasses arrived today and I am having a little trouble with them.  I love the style though.  Hard to describe but I will try.  They are completely rimless.  NO rim.  The lens part itself  has beveled edges all around.  There are 6 little diamonesque thingies on them that attach the nose piece and earpiece to the lense part.  A nice scroll like pattern on the side where it connects to the frame.  I’m all MC Hammerish with my new glasses.  If I remember I will try to take a picture of them tonight.  They’re really cool and I got the new transitions lenses so now I won’t be squinting in the sun.  Woot.  Don’t be jellis of my new eye bling.  HA!  Ya can’t touch this.  *does the weird MC Hammer crab walk dance*  I’m having a little bit of trouble seeing out of them though.  The beveled lenses are a little hard to get used to.  I keep seeing distorted reflections in the beveling. 

Also, I wonder if I am the only one who suffers this issue when getting new glasses.  Even though my prescription has not changed when I put new glasses on I get a distance distortion for awhile.  Example…I’ll be walking and I look down and it appears that the ground is right in front of my face.  So I walk really retarded for a little while, lifting my feet way higher than they need to be. *LOL* What a sight that must be.  Stairs are going to be hard today because of this.  I’ll have to be really careful I don’t trip and break my silly neck.  But all in all happy with new eye bling.  Don’t be jellis yo, not everyone can be like Mary J. Blige slash MC Hammer. 

I left work at 3:15 p.m. yesterday.  Boss came out and looked at me and said, "Are you okay??  You’re pale as a ghost and look like you’re ready to bust out in tears.  Need a hug?"  I just apologized and said this happens sometimes after seizures, that I get all wonky emotionally and my moods are all out of whack.  He just told me to go on home.  It was okay.  He offered me a ride home but I told him I’d rather walk and take the train because I needed to stretch out my muscles….the walk would do me good.  I really didn’t want a ride because I didn’t want to start crying in front of my boss.  Talk about humiliating.  As it was I started crying while walking to the train.  So I went in between some buildings until I could get myself under control.  Then I had to run to catch the train or wait for another one.  I caught it.

While waiting for the bus to take me the rest of the way home my dad drove up.  I asked him for a ride home and he said sure.  I hopped in and he said, "Tam, ya know I’m not a close kind of guy…" I was like, "It’s okay dad, I know."  He said, "I just wanted to tell you again because I don’t want you to think it has anything to do with you.  It doesn’t.  But I bet your husband (I wonder if he even knows Brian’s name) likes that I don’t come around."  I said, "Yeah dad, I know.  But don’t lay it on Brian.  He doesn’t have an opinion about you one way or the other and truth be told, he’s the most easy going guy you’ll ever want to meet so he wouldn’t care if you were around.  Besides, I know you’re a dead beat. "  He busted out laughing and then asked where my car was.  I told him Brian works in Boston now so he has to take it.  Then he showed me his applications for a passport.  I was like, "Passport?  What the hell do you need a passport for?"  He said he’s leaving at the end of next month to go to Amsterdam for a couple months.  He’s also visiting Japan.  I said, "Oh, how nice.  Amsterdam doesn’t surprise me, everything legal there…but Japan?"  Seems he’s always wanted to visit both places.  Nice to be able to afford to go traipsing through Europe and Asia for 2 months huh?  I didn’t say anything else.  What’s the point.  

FUCKER.  Amsterdam…*sniffs* indeed.  I told him to bring me back some good weedage.  (Dont sit there and judge me.)  *LOL*  He was shocked and said, "You smoke weed???"  I said, "Yes, sometimes when the pain is too much or my emotions are too out of whack I do.  Actually it’s on the advice of my eye specialist, neurologist and doctor."    He said, "Well hell, ain’t nothing wrong with a little medical maryjane.  I can get you some good stuff right around here.  Just call me if you need any."  Hmph, yeah.  Sure.

When I got upstairs I thought to myself, "You fucking deadbeat…you never supported me growing up…you never even handed me a card when you attended the blessing of my marriage, didn’t return a Christmas gift in spite of the fact I bought you one, no birthday gift or a card or anything for 37-fucking-years but you’re going to Amsterdam and Japan for 2 months?  You dirty rat bastard…how about tossing some money my way towards a down payment on a home?!?!?!?!" 

Clara Canoodler is back!!!  *nods* Yup.  Came home yesterday and there she was all by herself sitting in the driveway looking at me.  Gah!!!!  Got upstairs and there was a message from the guy in Beverly asking me to call him.  I called the dude back and let him know I had her again.  I asked what happened.  He said she got away from him when he was putting her and Carl in their new digs.  Said she flew off as fast as could be and he figured she’d head back my way.  Doh!  Tried to catch her again last night.  NO way.  Please don’t tell me pigeons are dumb because they are so not.  She was fine on the ground when I approached her when I first got home.  But when I came back downstairs with a blanket and carrier she took one look at that and flew onto the roof.  No amount of cooing or scattering of cracked corn was getting her down again either.  Biznatch!  I’ll have to try again late tonight after everyone comes home and all is quiet.  I’ll have to sneak up on her ass.  Wish me luck.  I bet she’s missing Carol right about now and that Carl is scared and lonely at his new place.  This time I am going to have to make sure I put Clara in her new digs so Mr. Pigeon Man doesn’t let her get loose again.  Let’s hope she stays put this time.  Otherwise I am at a total loss.  I can’t keep feeding her, Carol downstairs is pissed at all the shitting.  It’s also not fair to keep her locked up…so?

OMG!!  I found 2 of the funniest shows recently on Oxygen.  Oh lord, at first I came across a show called "Girls Behaving Badly".  So funny.  It’s female comics who pull pranks on people and tape them.  I’ve started dvr’ing the shows to watch when nothing else is on. 

By accident a show called "Talk Sex with Sue Johanson" was recorded.  It said Girls Behaving Badly, but when I went to watch it Talk Sex recorded.  Well lemme tell you, I frikken died laughing over this.  It’s an old lady, has to be in her late 60’s and she frankly discusses sex with viewers who call in.  So now I’m intrigued.  Well, when she ever started discussing Fisting with a caller I thought I was going to laugh myself to death.  Fisting…bahahahahahaha…being discussed by an old lady?  Oh lord.  I’ve seen it all now.  Then an old lady calls in (happened to be from Boston) and goes on to say she’s been in a 25-year relationship with a married man 12 years her junior.  She said the sex has always been outstanding but lately he wants to do things she’s not too happy about.  Sue asks her what and the old lady in Boston said he’s into Golden Showers and she doesn’t like that too much.  Well…there I went again…bent over laughing my ass off.  Oh lord, even the old ladies around here are getting more sex than I am.  Sue suggested that they do the golden showers in the shower to prevent puddles and messing the carpet and mattress.  What the Boston Old Lady wanted was Sue’s permission to break up with this dude.  *shakes head* Then a lady called in and said her husband wants anal sex and she’s afraid if she doesn’t give him her ass that he will go outside their marriage to find someone else’s eager ass.  (No, she didn’t say eager ass, that was all me.)  So Sue instructs her to her website and for her and her husband to go there and read, aloud, the area about anal sex and how anal sex can be very pleasurable. 

Oh man…TRUST me if you have Oxygen you have to watch this lady.  She’s a frikken trip.  What’s next Sue?  Gerbils invading your ass?  I might just call her with that one some night if I catch the show on it’s first airing.  HAHAHAHAHAHA, whatcha gonna say about that Sue?  (In case it doesn’t show right when I hit save, by clicking on both titles to the shows listed above you can visit the site.)

Fisting…bahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha…come on nah, please tell me I am not the only one who thinks it’s a laugh riot to hear an old woman talk about such things.