This and that

A note on the last entry agrees with what I think, that if I had any kind of schedule, I’d have a more regular sleep pattern.

I haven’t heard a word from my 8th floor balcony since I began these meds, even though I’m broke and was one day late on my car insurance – no coverage for a day?  I drove just one place, and carefully at that and got there and back with no problems worth mentioning.  No insurance for another hour and a half… but I don’t need to go anywhere by car right now.  7 years I’ve had that insurance, so they did cut me a break – they didn’t drop me, just my coverage, for a day.

I probably would have freaked out more about that.  It really sucks to be broke.

What also sucks is that I have grown out of all my pants.  Most of my life I have worn 32/32 pants, but I have expanded so much over the last year or two that even the 34 waist pants I had were tight.

Ha ha ha.  I guess I’ve finally "grown up".

On the other hand, if it wasn’t for the "expanda-waist" black slacks I bought for the bus driving job, I wouldn’t have any pants to wear.  I had a stack of five pairs of jeans and pants that no longer fit, and ran into one of the newer residents here, a tall woman with a figure much like mine, and gave her the pants I was going to leave downstairs or "donate" to Goodwill.  She says that she kept the black denim jeans and put the rest out for whomever to take.

I’m in the process of getting reduced payments on the car extended, but I still have it, happily.  I owe a good sum of money on it, but, I hope I an keep my car;  I want this Dodge Caliber to be the last car I ever buy.  It has a Life-Time warranty on the engine and transmission – a warranty not offered any more, but good forever on MY car, so it is a Keeper.

***

The other night, around 3 am, I went out to get cigarettes at a store a ways away from here, one that I used to regularly stop at to drop off newspapers, and was standing outside smoking ( I never smoke in my car).  A van I recognized pulled up.  It was the asshole who told lies about me that the newspaper boss believed.  (I did freak out and told that boss exactly what I thought of him, the other guy, the world in general, and burned that bridge right to the water, talking myself out of the job I had held for almost 7 years)

At that time, I had elaborate fantasies about killing that guy on the route one night, but did not act on any of those fantasies (oh, but how I WANTED to).  The old fucker was driving that van. I didn’t say anything, and since my cig was nearly done, put it out and threw it in the trash, got in my car, and drove home.  The guy never got out of the van.

Ha, motherfucker, you KNOW you fucked up, screwing me.  Why doncha worry a bit more.

Not that I’m gonna waste any time on it myself, but fuck you old man, worry.

***

K* is not coming this time.  The Yen is down and the fuel surcharges are MORE than the airplane tickets, and she’s been sending me money since they cut my unemployment by more than half last year.  I’m waiting for a money order from her now; that’s why my car insurance was late (bye most of my credit card).  She has always given me a hundred bucks for my birthday, and after I emailed her about my growth, she called and asked if she should send that early so I can buy some pants that fit.  The mail from Japan used to take week, but the last couple of times, it’s taken almost two weeks, and things are flat right now, as I wait for the mail.

***

Waiting.  It seems that most of my life I’ve been waiting for things.  January 30 was the 14th anniversary of moving into this apartment after the car wreck and the Adult Foster Home.  Now, I’m waiting, AGAIN, for Disability to come through, 15 years after the car wreck and the brain injury.  I HOPE third time will be the charm….

I spent years waiting for my Dad’s estate to come to me, but by the time it did, most of it was gone, mis-managed by the executor of the will.  Of course that uncle lived longer than anyone else; only the good die young.

So much for "family".

***

January also saw what would have been, and still kind of is, our 29th wedding anniversary.  That woman has been my friend and supporter almost all of that time. especially since the car wreck in 1998.  We aren’t man and wife any more and haven’t been since 1995, but we are still "together", in a way, and she took the promise that she made to my mother’s grave seriously, when she promised she would help me and look after me, with no time limit.

I asked her why a couple of years ago and she said, "a promise is a promise is a promise.  It doesn’t change just because we are divorced."

***

This life… it could be worse.

*****