Tuesday night

It’s a twenty mile drive out to Troutdale, via I-205 and I-84. I left at 9 to give myself an hour to get there, a cushion of time "just in case". Traffic flowed pretty well though and I was half an hour early to meet with my Job Developer. Who, by the way, is my personal cheerleader and advocate.

Instead of just applying online or mailing my resume, we made a personal visit, and I got to speak to the director of the group who runs what used to be called "Group Homes". It was an unscheduled meeting, but I did get an interview. It didn’t result in an immediate "come work with us now!", but it also did not have a bad ending. I AM confident in myself – no work to present myself as such, and I am polite, and I did a little homework on the organisation so that I had questions to raise when asked if I had any. I have no trouble "looking people in the eye" and my posture does not suggest indifference or fear or uncertainty.

I have been told several times that I am "humble". I have a good grasp of what I don’t know and of who I am, and mom did a great job of raising me to be polite, humble, and confident, in the 15 years we had together, I think, and feel that I know she would have been proud of me.

I took a different route home from Troutdale – one I’ve used before, something like the other side of the rectangle of the space between here and there – 24 miles instead of 20, but a nicer drive, on country roads, on a most excellent, beautiful day.

I would be "on-call", part time, for one of their 16 group homes, most of which are on the east side of Portland – all of them are on the east side, but a few are closer than 20 miles to me, and one is just a few miles away in Milwaukie. It sounds like it would be rewarding in other than fiscal ways – the pay is rather low, as it usually is in these kind of jobs, but directly helping people has it’s own rewards, and I believe I have the empathy and life-experience to do well and to genuinely help people who need it.

I was told that "they" evaluate resumes and applications on Mondays, so I won’t likely hear anything until at least next week, but, I guess I’m not in a hurry, and I believe that all things happen in their own time – they do not happen until they are ready to.

Other applications have been made for me, so this isn’t the only thing I have going, but it is the first job interview I’ve had in several years, since the one that got me the Charter Bus driving job that I ultimately did not do well at.

(a side note: I wanted to try bus driving, and I did. That experience was not a total failure, mitigated by my Trying and not just Wanting To. In some ways, this has been a good life – I’ve gotten to try many things, to wear many "hats", to go many places. Thank god for the meds – I can see that this life is not a waste, that even if I’m poor in money and things, that I am rich in experience)

A pleasing aspect of the drive: My Caliber, which is EPA rated at 27 mpg on the highway, was pulling almost 35 mpg on my way out and over 37 mpg on my way home. I’ve just passed the 56,000 mile mark, and my car runs better than ever and is quite powerful and smooth. I had the sunroof open, the speed control on, the sun shining on me, and it was a GOOD day.

You know how this ends, this piece of writing right?

Onwards. Always onwards.

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One additional note: In a previous entry, I wrote of being feeling unwanted and alone, of being adopted and not knowing "where I came from". That much is true; adoption records were sealed in California when I was adopted, and I will likely never know much about that of my origins, but I KNOW I was not "unwanted". Adoption is a deliberate choice that people make and not some "back-seat accident". I KNOW that my parents loved and valued me, and both of them said, the last times I saw them both, that I was a "good son". Both of them said that to me, the last time I saw them, as they were taken away to the hospitals they died in. It is a treasure beyond valuation; priceless, in fact. I may be the cat who walks alone, but I am not lonely, nor am I really alone. I think mom and dad would have been proud of me today, the people who chose to bring me home, and that they too would say Onwards.

 

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