“I NEVER THOUGHT THAT LOVIN’ YOU WOULD HURT”

“Girl, I never thought that lovin’ you would hurt” – Tyrese.

Looking at past notes and emails – always a dangerous thing.

I never thought one person could wreck me like this. Two f*cking years. Look what one person can do to you. Before that I though I was invincible. Always in control for real in every relationship. Now ‘in control’ is just what I struggle to be.

If depression is contagious then I caught it. Caught it by f*cking caring about someone. What I felt for that person – pure love and selflessness. Would have given up my life for them. So much for f*cking karma – that sh*t is f*cked up.

I feel like going to sleep for a long time. What the f*ck is the point in life? Especially if you never feel good about anything. I’m so unhappy.

Here we go…

I’ve got a future that I can make into whatever I want.

I’ve got friends who love me, and look up to me.

People think I’m so strong.

I’m rich.

I have potential to be okay-looking.

I can do anything. Anything in the world I put my mind to.

Best of all I’m in control,

and it’s the holidays so I can spend every day doing whatever I feel like doing.

Smile on my face.

LIZzY