Recent Entries

• $!*#

  November 14, 2023

  I think I'm still carrying the hurt from everything we went through last year. Eventually the hurt manifested in anger, irritation, the confusion of realising that all the things that I'm mad about today and yesterday are all symbolic of the same old issue that was never properly resolved. I wond...

  Continue Reading...
• Coming of Age

  November 12, 2023

  All my friends are becoming responsible adults. They're doing all the things I always assumed I'd also be doing by now... progressing in respectable careers... Getting engaged and married to wonderful people whom I adore... Getting mortgages, buying houses... Having babies... More and more often,...

  Continue Reading...
• Are These the ‘Ups and Downs’ Everyone Talks About?

  November 12, 2023

  It's crazy to think that less than six months ago I was so ready to have a baby with T. It's so strange how quickly things can change. When I thought I was pregnant last month months ago, it should have been a great bonding time for us. Instead, something felt off. I felt like if…

  Continue Reading...
• I Miss Me

  August 19, 2023

  I just miss me. I miss me often. Life is good, but I'm having trouble making decisions that will lead me to a life that matches my values. And I'm afraid that once I get there it will be hard to get back. Logically I know that you can always--at any given moment--start making decisions…

  Continue Reading...
• What’s the word for bittersweet memories..? That’s the title.

  August 15, 2023

  Today I'm a little depressed. I just spent about an hour searching for my old diary in Wayback Machine. I found my diary from 2006, but couldn't get access past the intro page. I don't know exactly why I'm crying, but I think I want to get back to me...and OD used to help me…

  Continue Reading...
• Aspiring

  March 25, 2023

  I’m interested in studying law as well as psychology. I need to look at my options, but if the options are right, I think I can actually do it. I am still very afraid of the assessments, but I think the fear is more overwhelming than the task itself.

  Continue Reading...

• like attracts like

  July 27, 2022

  Korea.

  Continue Reading...
• Libido

  July 12, 2022

  I don't feel right today. woke up from a dream early this morning, feeling uneasy about details I couldn't remember. I don't feel like meditating or jogging. I don't feel like doing anything I know I should be doing to be better. And that makes me feel guilty. My self-esteem has been low for a&he...

  Continue Reading...
• Life

  July 3, 2022

  Today I took way too much Dex. Why? Because tomorrow is the first day of ‘Health Week’ and I am an addict. It’s a funny kind of logic that tells you it’s okay to be careless today because from tomorrow you’ll to be extra good. It frames the start of my health kick as an…

  Continue Reading...