Addiction & Recovery Circle
Kickin’ It at 3am
It’s 3 am and I’m awake. So very awake. Only one day into this new bottle and I’m already taking more than I told myself I would. Every day I say tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. So here I am, awake at 3am. A little worried about doing tomorrow with so little sleep. Worried about stupid…
Are These the ‘Ups and Downs’ Everyone Talks About?
It's crazy to think that less than six months ago I was so ready to have a baby with T. It's so strange how quickly things can change. When I thought I was pregnant last month months ago, it should have been a great bonding time for us. Instead, something felt off. I felt like if…
Happier w/out Weed
I had another glorious day yesterday. Although I didn’t sleep much, I got out of bed and bought a #5 from McDonalds(McGriddle meal) & drove across the street to pick up a cinnamon dolce latte from Starbucks. I came home and savored every morsel. I canceled all my plans for the day because I w...
Saturday around 3pm
It is a beautiful Saturday. I’m still exhausted from the music video shoot, but I managed to get out of bed earlier this morning to buy two venti cinnamon dolce lattes (with 3 pumps instead of 5) from Starbucks earlier. I also wrote a hook and first verse to a new instrumental given to me.…
Sigh – Death is never fair.
I’m so freaking mad or sad. It depends on the second. To begin with I was sad. So sad. Then after more information all I could feel was intense anger with sadness added in. What the f’ing hell was he thinking? Today I missed some calls from my best friend. Followed by a text “V…
Stop taking from me
Addiction takes and takes and takes. It took my sisters life today. I’m worried it’s going to take my other sister soon.
I’m just tired.
An open letter to the one I love the most: I am sorry for putting you through so much misery and pain because of my drinking problem. I am tired of humiliating you and you having to forgive me over and over again. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and treat…
Life
Today I took way too much Dex. Why? Because tomorrow is the first day of ‘Health Week’ and I am an addict. It’s a funny kind of logic that tells you it’s okay to be careless today because from tomorrow you’ll to be extra good. It frames the start of my health kick as an…
Day 8
Another down day. I cant talk about it.
Day 8
Today was harder than yesterday and I'm not even sure why. I caught myself thinking about drinking pretty much most of the day. Distractions didn't seem to work. The Valium helped a bit but not enough. It's like an itch. Keep telling myself that if I just have 1 I'll be okay. Which is of…