Recent Entries

• More ramblings, that’s it.

  October 11, 2021

  Still functioning through life. Some days I truly think it’s getting better. I’m getting better. Then it all catches up with me again. Over and over again. It’s been nearly 2 weeks with zero contact with Captain Douche. His last text was telling me we can’t talk anymore, no communication except t...

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• Aching Heart

  October 4, 2021

  So much death and preparing for death. I’m sad. Really sad. My 5 month old grandson’s other Grandma will most likely not beat Covid. There’s still slight hope but really there isn’t. I’ve saw this too much lately. I know the end results too well. The fact she survived the weekend is a win in…

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• Communicating – Not my strong suit.

  September 27, 2021

  This. This is something I suck at. Accurately communicating or talking about my feelings. I don’t like to. I don’t want to. I’m not sure I ever have actually needed to or been allowed to really. Growing up - Kids simply respected their elders. That was that. No room for compromise. No room to dis...

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• Another Day, Another Ramble

  September 20, 2021

  Everything remains overwhelming. As usual lately. So much death and misery out there. My therapist called today. I’d cancelled last week due to being sick and just hadn’t replied to her text. She just wanted to check-in as my silence is worrisome. Still here. Still alive. She mentioned she was on...

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• Crawling Out of My Skin

  September 18, 2021

  Crawling out of my skin. That’s the best way to describe my current feelings. I can’t explain them. I don’t understand them. Yet, it’s there. Full force. Worst anxiety in quite awhile. Why? What’s different? I just don’t know. Yet the anxiety is unbearable. I just want to chain smoke. Disassociat...

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• He Strikes Again

  September 7, 2021

  Cruel. The best way to describe him is a cruel, evil, narcissistic monster that will go to any length to hurt me. Crush me. Ruin my day & knock me down. How can anyone be so awful? I’ve been doing well with no contact. Picking up the pieces of my life. Moving on. Yet, in…

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• Attorney Calls. Finances.

  August 27, 2021

  I’m realizing the days I have therapy I just feel so drained and blah after. Like wanting to cry, but not cry. Just alone, silence, decompressing. I know it’s normal as you’re really digging deep during that time and of course it’s emotionally draining. Working both jobs yesterday kept me distrac...

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• Therapy Today

  August 26, 2021

  Made it to therapy this morning. It’s healthy. It’s good. Yet, it’s so hard. We went over the events of the last couple weeks. Obviously, there was a lot. She agrees that I need boundaries, to not just let him do what he wants and is thankful the attorneys are forcing this to be done.…

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• Awful Couple of Days

  August 24, 2021

  It’s been a long couple of days. Of course, something had to happen after the happy pictures to throw it all off. To begin, douche returned to being a complete douche. He started nice. Offering me a carton of cigarettes, back to wanting to be friends, telling me how great I looked and how jealous...

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