Recent Entries

• 10w5d – Therapy today.

  September 18, 2023

  Just a couple more days and I'll be at 11 weeks.  8 more days and I'll get my ultrasound to check on this sweet baby.  I continue to be absolutely terrified.  I cannot wait until next Tuesday. I had therapy today - I can't say I accomplished much in that session, yet it was helpful. …

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• 10 Weeks… 1/4 of the way done!

  September 13, 2023

  I've made it 1/4 of the way to meeting this baby! Yay! The anxiety has returned with a vengeance this week.  It's simply ridiculous.  I know this.  Yet, I can't stop it.  The intrusive thoughts are real.  It's been 2 weeks since I've got to see her.  I've got 2 weeks from yesterday until I…

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• The exhaustion is real!

  September 8, 2023

  Overall, I thought I was doing fairly well with pregnancy symptoms.  Pretty nauseous/puking, but that was about it. Until this week - Holy.  The exhaustion is 100% real.  This week I've just wanted to cry because I'm so freaking tired. I've worked 50 - 60+ hours per week for over 2 years now.  Wi...

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• 9 Weeks

  September 6, 2023

  Today is 9 weeks. It's been nearly a month since the SCH began and the bleeding nightmare started.  Those days I never thought I'd make it to this day.  I'm still terrified daily that this baby will die or something horrid will happen.  I'm not sure that is a fear you ever get over.  Not…

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• 8 Week Ultrasound

  September 1, 2023

  Today was the day for the weekly ultrasound and the verdict is.... Baby looks absolutely amazing! I've got the drill down these days and was all ready to go.  We discussed my weird results on the hcg and how strange it is while I was getting situated.  Start the scan and she says right away…

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• 8 weeks 0 days – Nauseous. Tired.

  August 30, 2023

  8 weeks 0 days... I've made it much farther than I thought I was going to make it a few weeks ago.  30ish weeks to go. I cannot wait to meet this sweet baby girl.  This may be the longest wait of my life.  I will feel 1000 times better when I can begin to…

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• 7 Week Ultrasound Results

  August 25, 2023

  I survived the day waiting for my ultrasound. Barely. I worked through lunch as my anxiety was awful and I needed to stay busy. It was rough staying away from Google. Basically every time I googled I wanted to cry. Each result left me with the same feeling - My baby wasn’t going to make…

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• 7w2d – HCG sucks. Ultrasound later today.

  August 25, 2023

  If I didn't already have extreme anxiety this pregnancy would have been the cause of it existing.  I've already struggled with anxiety for ages though, so it's nothing new.  It's just - more extreme, worse than normal and NOT getting better. There is nothing joyful about being pregnant currently....

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• 7w0d – Still pregnant. Still bleeding. Still terrified.

  August 23, 2023

  This roller coaster - it's something I don't wish on anyone.  The pain, fear and anxiety are hard to explain or to fathom - unless you've been here and experienced this. Today - today I'm 7 weeks and 0 days.  We've made it to week 7.  Is my baby alive today?  I have no idea. …

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