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Asset 5

15 years clean and without meth…

September 16, 2020
How is that even possible? How did we make it to today? Those first days. Those millions of relapses. I was sure I’d die in each one. I was positive I’d never make it out of “the game” alive. Not with any amount of my soul still intact. Not with any self esteem. Not worth…
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Recent Entries

  • Asset 5
    Anger into a Purpose
    September 15, 2020
    Still stumbling daily through this thing we call life. As always - Where to begin? I haven’t written lately. It’s easier to just ignore the world. Pretend none of it’s there. Take a break. Be me. Laying in bed. Angry. As always. I decided it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair he keeps taking things from...
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  • Asset 5
    So hard – More details – Can’t function.
    August 27, 2020
    Some nights hurt so bad I was to claw my body apart. I want to take out my heart. Take out any organ that produces emotion. I want to simply die. Be done. I just want the pain to stop. I know it’s a panic attack. I know if I keep breathing it’ll get better.…
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  • Asset 5
    Settling. Sort of. I’ll just do me.
    August 24, 2020
    Sometimes I want to write but I honestly don’t know where to start. There are so many ways this entry could play out. So many things to say. Yet, so little desire. I want to. But I don’t. Does that make any sense? I wish I could just rip out every single thought, word, wish,…
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  • Asset 5
    No Motivation Today
    August 16, 2020
    Another Sunday. My least favorite day. I climbed out of bed at noon. How I made it that long. I have no idea. There’s no reason I can’t function today. Last night was unexciting.  Three beers and then dinner. I shouldn’t be feeling as blah as I am today. Brewery was dead. Grouchy Steve came…
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  • Asset 5
    Seriously Rambling – Squirrel?
    August 14, 2020
    Out of quarantine and still super healthy. Imagine that. I expect quarantine will be a repetitive experience as the school year begins. I truly don’t understand how it’ll work once the kids are in classes. Someone will get COVID. Everyone will quarantine. They’ll go back. Repeat. I understand tha...
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  • Asset 5
    Comfortably Familiar
    August 8, 2020
    Another day. Lately every day is simply that. Another day. They continue. Over and over in this chaotic world. My anxiety has been awful. Miserable. Thank god for sleep. I live for sleep. Really, thank God for meds. Am I depressed orrrr are the meds working THAT good? Probably a mixture of both. ...
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  • Asset 5
    Two Months Without You
    July 30, 2020
    My amazing friend - We are nearing 2 months. 2 full months without your glowing personality. All because evil won and took you away. Gosh, it’s been a long two months. Yet in the same breath I feel like it was just yesterday. Have I told you lately that I love you? That my heart…
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  • Asset 5
    Some Peace, Followed by Pain
    July 5, 2020
    Sometimes I feel like I’m doing so good. I’m going forward. Slowly. I miss her. I ache for her. But I go forward. Then something happens and it all crashes down. Boom shattered. You felt confident? How’s this extra hard kick to knock you back down? I didn’t want to be here for the month…
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  • Asset 5
    I miss you.
    June 6, 2020
    The title says it all. I fall asleep crying. I wake up in the middle of the night crying. I wake up in the morning to fresh tears streaming down my face before I can even open my eyes. My gosh. I. Miss. You. I can still hear your voice clear as day. I can…
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