Recent Entries

• I miss you.

  June 6, 2020

  The title says it all. I fall asleep crying. I wake up in the middle of the night crying. I wake up in the morning to fresh tears streaming down my face before I can even open my eyes. My gosh. I. Miss. You. I can still hear your voice clear as day. I can…

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• Heartbroken – This wasn’t the answer.

  June 1, 2020

  To say I’m sad would be an understatement. I’m sad. I’m broken. I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m confused. It’s awful. It’s 150% awful. I thought the tears were done. I thought I could turn off the light and sleep. Surrounded by darkness I glanced at Facebook. And here I am again.  Sobbing. Asking why. W...

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• Adjusting to a New Normal

  April 11, 2020

  I’m slowly adjusting to the new normal in our house. It’s been tough. I’m sure it will be for a long while. I’ve been working on simply having “hard” conversations with myself. Less acting on impulse. More deep digging on WHY I have an impulse and processing. Why in the world do I feel it’s…

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• It’s hard & it hurts.

  April 8, 2020

  Parenting of any sort is not for the weak. The last two weeks have broken my heart far more than imaginable. Why did I think having kids would be a fun idea? I definitely wasn’t ready for the future of parenting when I signed up and only envisioned cute, cuddly babies. Nearly 20 years later…

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• An early, heart wrenching good bye

  March 29, 2020

  I’ve always said I could give back a child if I knew in the beginning I had to. It would probably hurt, it would suck, but I could do it. No problem. That I could jump into foster care, love a damaged, innocent human and prepare them for life with their bioparents. Because that would…

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• Feelings of Guilt

  February 24, 2020

  I’m 7 weeks into this semester. Only 11 more to go.... But who’s counting? Life is so much more peaceful now that I’ve switched placements and can complete my hours at work! Yet, it’s far from peaceful. If that makes any sense. Im required to submit weekly journal entries. I’m honest in them. My ...

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• Inherited Behavior

  February 9, 2020

  I’ve accomplished nothing today. Self pity. Exhaustion. Sleep. That’s pathetically it. Tomorrow I WILL be more productive. I hope. He was gone for over a week. I realized something - That week was amazing. My anxiety was so much better. I didn’t worry about what I was walking into. It was lonely ...

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• Finally – An answer.

  February 3, 2020

  Things are finally beginning to get better.  Now, I'm left sorting out the remaining damage and realizations inside my head.  I've decided I will take that ANY day over the last month. I still hadn't heard from Mr. Douche Thursday.  Seriously, I can't do my assignments, learning plans, anything u...

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• Internship Saga Continues…

  January 29, 2020

  The internship saga continues. So, I emailed everyone and their brother. Needless to say. I got results. Kind of. I received an email from Douche Director on Thursday. Let’s call him DD. It’s shorter. He said he was considering it. But he wanted me to fill the form out again. Differently. Fine. W...

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