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Asset 5

The Relationship Struggle is Real

June 18, 2024
The title says it all. Life simply feels like a struggle lately. Determining what the right thing is, who the right thing is. A struggle. It shouldn’t be. I know in my head the “right” choices. My heart isn’t having it tho. Not. At. All. My heart misses the past. It’s terrified of the future.&hel...
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Recent Entries

  • Asset 5
    A little of everything.
    June 8, 2024
    So many changes. So much to write about. Yet, so little time. I feel like I just can’t get caught up in life. There is so much going on and I can’t handle living in the chaos or the mess of this house. So, instead of writing or sharing my feelings I’m simply trying to…
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  • Asset 5
    Healing After Break-Up, Dating Next
    April 21, 2024
    I really wanted to take a nap but realized I won’t sleep tonight if I do that. So, I took an Adderall instead and am waiting for that to kick in. In the meantime, figured I’d listen to my book and write an entry. I’m on my phone so we’ll see how long I last.…
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  • Asset 5
    More Loss, TW Suicides.
    April 11, 2024
    I've got 20 minutes or so to spare before I need to leave for my next job.  Decided if I typed fast I'd have time for an entry. The last few weeks have sucked.  Everything freaking sucks.  I'm trying to find the positives - at least I'm alive.  Even that doesn't feel that positive today.…
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  • Asset 5
    Annabelle’s Due Date Today – Instead, 28 weeks without her.
    April 10, 2024
    Today. Today hits like a freight train. So did yesterday.  The day before it.  The two weeks before those. I knew it would hurt.  I knew my soul would feel mind-crushing pain.  Yet, I didn't know that mind-crushing pain would be so freaking deep.  So hard. With the date we assumed we'd have to in...
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  • Asset 5
    Seriously Can’t Win
    April 10, 2024
    I just simply can’t win. I feel like I’ll never be good enough for anyone. There will always be some fault in me. Max leaves. Telling me so much hateful things. He just wasn’t attracted to me anymore. I gained weight. Maybe it was that skinny blonde he liked and that’s just not me anymore.…
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  • Asset 5
    Alone. Literally.
    April 3, 2024
    I’m just laying in bed. Trying to grasp how my life got… here. Alone. So utterly alone. Z, after being awful to me, moved out today. Supposedly he’s moving to Louisiana to work. He’ll be back for his surgery 5/29. I’ll believe it all when I see it. He left an awful mess in his…
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  • Asset 5
    Family, Religion, Holidays, IVF Baby Loss.
    March 31, 2024
    Easter - it means relatively nothing when you’ve got a shitty family, you’re pretty much single and you’re exhausted with life. Happy Easter to those that have legit great people to spend it with. Even if you wish you didn’t have to - be grateful you have the option. My grandparents don’t celebra...
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  • Asset 5
    Losing so much, so quick
    March 24, 2024
    Now, for just a normal entry - Are things getting better? Not really. At least not for my broken heart and the rest of my fucked up life. I literally feel like I’m losing everything/everyone all at once. That’s a super shitty feeling. My therapist finally put her foot down I had to see my…
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  • Asset 5
    Dear Max, 3/24/24
    March 24, 2024
    Dear Max, Another day without you. Without waking up to your face. Without feeling your incredible hugs. Without a kiss or an I Love You. It’s supposed to be getting easier. Yet, it isn’t. Time isn’t healing this wound. I know it’s only been a couple weeks. However, each day hurts a little more, ...
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