Recent Entries

• Cancelled Transfer. Emergency Surgery. Grandpa Died. 100% Broke Up. Worst week ever.

  October 12, 2024

  September ended up being the worst month of my life. Again. My last entry I was getting ready for my final embryo transfer. The appointments all went well. I got scheduled to transfer on 9/25. My only goal had been to transfer before 9/26. The one year anniversary of losing Annabelle. I was so ex...

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• Final FET – CD 1

  September 13, 2024

  Cycle Day 1… Here we go again. This time though - I know it’s the last time I’ll climb on this roller coaster ride. This time I’m far more aware of the heartbreak that may lay at the end of this road. This time I’m not blissfully and naively planning for the best. I’ve accepted…

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• Preparing for another transfer…

  August 20, 2024

  I’ve officially decided I’m transferring our last embryo. He deserves a chance. Why wouldn’t he? Simply because some lab said he had an extra set of all chromosomes? Maybe he does. Maybe he doesn’t. Polyploidy results are one of the number one testing errors of IVF is done with ICSI. Because ICSI...

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• One year ago was IVF Transfer Week

  July 23, 2024

  A year ago…. I knew this week would be hard but I hadn’t anticipated to literally constantly be thinking “one year ago today”. Yet, here I am. Thinking about the past. Wishing for a different future. One year ago today I was just arriving at my hotel after getting the only speeding ticket of my&h...

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• The Relationship Struggle is Real

  June 18, 2024

  The title says it all. Life simply feels like a struggle lately. Determining what the right thing is, who the right thing is. A struggle. It shouldn’t be. I know in my head the “right” choices. My heart isn’t having it tho. Not. At. All. My heart misses the past. It’s terrified of the future.&hel...

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• A little of everything.

  June 8, 2024

  So many changes. So much to write about. Yet, so little time. I feel like I just can’t get caught up in life. There is so much going on and I can’t handle living in the chaos or the mess of this house. So, instead of writing or sharing my feelings I’m simply trying to…

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• Healing After Break-Up, Dating Next

  April 21, 2024

  I really wanted to take a nap but realized I won’t sleep tonight if I do that. So, I took an Adderall instead and am waiting for that to kick in. In the meantime, figured I’d listen to my book and write an entry. I’m on my phone so we’ll see how long I last.…

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• More Loss, TW Suicides.

  April 11, 2024

  I've got 20 minutes or so to spare before I need to leave for my next job.  Decided if I typed fast I'd have time for an entry. The last few weeks have sucked.  Everything freaking sucks.  I'm trying to find the positives - at least I'm alive.  Even that doesn't feel that positive today.…

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• Annabelle’s Due Date Today – Instead, 28 weeks without her.

  April 10, 2024

  Today. Today hits like a freight train. So did yesterday.  The day before it.  The two weeks before those. I knew it would hurt.  I knew my soul would feel mind-crushing pain.  Yet, I didn't know that mind-crushing pain would be so freaking deep.  So hard. With the date we assumed we'd have to in...

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