Recent Entries

• Riddled with Anxiety

  July 23, 2021

  I just feel riddled with anxiety today. I can’t make it stop. Make the thoughts stop. None of it. I’m sure it’s lack of sleep, lack of my mind stopping, misery. I can recognize it’s an issue. Yet I can’t just fix it. I’ve been struggling through and forcing myself to not take the Xanax…

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• No Feelings

  July 17, 2021

  I feel as if I simply don’t have feelings. I’m just living in this fog if staying busy. Working myself like crazy. Cleaning. Praying for the nightmare to be over. I look at this man. The things he’s said and done replay endlessly in my head. I remind myself he never cares. He’s incapable of…

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• Day 8 of Divorce Process

  July 8, 2021

  My therapist said to journal. So here I am. She was impressed I already do, but said to do it more regularly. Honestly. Openly. The truth - Today I don’t want to. Today I just want to crawl in a whole and die. I’ve felt like that for 8 days tho. 8 long, excruciating days.…

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• Nightmare Few Days

  June 30, 2021

  I’ve been living an absolute nightmare the last few days. At this point I’m not sure it’s sunk in yet. The true horror and how bad things could have been. You worry about your kids when they’re little and think it’ll get better as they grow. I’ll be the first to say, it only gets…

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• Hard Choices

  June 15, 2021

  The title of this group is so true. We aren’t alone. Yet it’s so easy to feel so deeply alone. I’m laying here. Exhausted. Tired of crying. Tired of breathing. Tired of feeling so lost, confused and alone. My mind knows the right choices. My heart aches. And the logical part of my mind says…

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• Surrounded by Insanity

  June 6, 2021

  Surrounded by craziness. That’s the simplest way to describe the people I feel stuck with so often. They will never go away. Well, I should say they won’t go away until I’m strong enough to make them. Yet, it amazes me the depths of the mental instability. So often I just sit here, silently liste...

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• 20 Years & 5 Months Later, Justice for Steve

  May 31, 2021

  20 years later. Steve has been gone for 20 years. 20 years and exactly 5 months if you want to be specific. I think of him often. I look at my own children and so often think I can’t imagine if they were murdered tomorrow. Both of my boys are now officially older than Steve…

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• Stupid Cold, Last ones a Senior

  May 28, 2021

  I’ve have had a cold all week that is literally kicking my ass. I can’t wait for tomorrow at 5 p.m. to arrive and a 3 day weekend to sleep and recover. It’s been awful. The jerk 2 year old brought it home from daycare and was great enough to share with me and the…

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• Should be Graduation Tomorrow

  May 23, 2021

  Life. Life continues moving forward. Almost too fast. I feel as if the days are flying by in record speed. To nowhere really. They just go. It’s a struggle. For sure. I’m tired. Worn down. Burnt out. Yet another day comes. Another repetitive day. Cleaning. Working. Dealing with assholes. Repeat. ...

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