Recent Entries

• New Year, Same Life

  January 1, 2021

  It’s a new year and guess what - Just as I expected it’s all the same as last year. Imagine that. I’m really struggling to understand why people are so excited to bring in the New Year just because it’s literally another day. The world doesn’t change because the date changed. Nobody sticks to the...

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• Frustration. So much frustration.

  December 30, 2020

  Every day is a little more frustration. Really, a lot more frustration. Living with someone with untreated mental illness is a roller coaster ride I want off of. Add in the fact it’s an adult, with an almost 2 year old AND pregnancy hormones. I am going crazy. Everyone in this house is going craz...

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• Christmas is Over

  December 26, 2020

  Christmas is over. How was it? Good. Fine. Okay. Holidays truly aren’t that great. I find myself with huge expectations and dreams which simply turn into moments of letdowns and the realizations all expectations were unrealistic. So I expected nothing. Absolutely, positively nothing. Your dreams ...

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• Funeral. Now life simply resumes.

  December 21, 2020

  Just like that, it’s over. The hard, awful week. Her funeral was today. I feel overall it went well. As well as a funeral can go. It’s the aftermath I’m scared of. The feuding over who gets what. Who goes where. How these teenagers will continue to be raised. The pain that will still exist…

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• Heart Shattering Hugs, Covid Death.

  December 16, 2020

  Those soul crushing hugs. They kill me. The ones where you can feel the literal pain of the person you’re hugging. The sobs coming from the deepest part of their soul. The death grip, like if they let go they will fall into all the pain they are releasing. It’s the kind of hug you…

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• Selfishness Everywhere

  December 1, 2020

  So tired of stupid people. That’s literally the moral of my life lately. I don’t like them. I don’t want to be around them. Yet, the world is full. Maybe stupid isn’t the word? Maybe there is a better word.... rude? careless? Selfish? Irresponsible? Self-centered? Childish? Its another one of tho...

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• Answers to the Last Entry

  November 16, 2020

  I wrote an entire entry the other day and it didn’t save. Story of my life. Seriously. So often I find myself saying, I can’t even make this shit up. My 90 year old Grandpa tested positive for Covid. I knew it would be. Obviously, but still was hoping. My Grandma then tested positive just…

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• Exhausted, As Usual.

  October 27, 2020

  As always, this could go so many different directions. I’m exhausted. I’m so often exhausted. I need a break from life to just fix my own soul, be me, work on me, do me. Someday. I always have these grand ideas in my head on how I can do it. Yet, I never do it.…

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• 15 years clean and without meth…

  September 16, 2020

  How is that even possible? How did we make it to today? Those first days. Those millions of relapses. I was sure I’d die in each one. I was positive I’d never make it out of “the game” alive. Not with any amount of my soul still intact. Not with any self esteem. Not worth…

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