Recent Entries

• Respite Care, Back to Reality

  April 13, 2021

  Kids are good for the soul. They truly are. Damaged, broken kids are even better. I 100% believe this. No matter how bad I’m feeling. How rough it’s going. They give me purpose, drive, motivation. They fill these awful holes in my heart. They soothe the constant anxiety I feel lately. They occupy...

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• Another Day, Another Ramble

  April 4, 2021

  I’m tired but have more cleaning to do. So I’m smoking a cigarette instead. Makes sense. I spoke to Jessie a therapist I happen to really love and do a lot of work with briefly after my last post. I’d previously asked if seeing me was a conflict. Living in a rural area makes everything…

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• Thoughts of Death – lets just volunteer.

  March 25, 2021

  Life. It’s short. It’s wild. It’s crazy. Then it’s over. Just like that. If I’ve learned nothing it’s this. You never know when it’ll end. When one day it’ll just be finished. Yet, it’s only finished for you. So many others continue to breathe. Continue in the world that never stops spinning. I c...

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• A Sunday Full of Tears

  March 21, 2021

  Maybe Sundays should be called - Bawling hysterically Sunday’s until a full blown panic attack is in progress. Fitting name for them. It’s Sunday. I hate Sundays. Hate them. We are now reaching 10 months since Kira was murdered. Sunday morning she had no idea 12 hours later she’d be dead. 3 1/2 m...

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• Rambling to Deeper Rambling – Enough for Tonight

  March 16, 2021

  Another day. Another set of clients. Some days I struggle wondering if I want to do more or not. Other days I feel fine where I am - who would guide these clients to resources if I moved on. Moving on is great. Sometimes I do feel I’m selling myself short. Yet, I feel this…

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• Visits in a Dream

  March 11, 2021

  It’s been so long since I had a dream with him in it. Honestly, I can’t remember the last times. They’re always similar tho. Ending in a hug that feels so real. I woke this morning from one of those real, vivid dreams. He’d been gone in the Navy and was due home. Why the…

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• Bubbling of Anger & Sadness

  March 8, 2021

  I feel as if I’ve spent the majority of the last 12 months just angry. Angry at so many things. All out of my control. I know it gets me nowhere yet I can feel it under the surface. Bubbling. It has been nearly a year since this COVID crap and being forced to give…

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• Awful Day

  March 3, 2021

  Today has been a nightmare. Very. Serious. Nightmare. Thank god it wasn’t worse but it was bad enough. My alarm starts going off and I automatically hit snooze before looking. Half asleep I glance at the screen. What the hell - Are those a ton of missed calls I’m seeing? Trying to focus. Random n...

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• A little bit of everything.

  February 25, 2021

  This week at work has been crazy. Not really. Life’s just been crazy is probably more like it. Lately I’m feeling the weeks start slow and then ramp up insanely.  I need to start leaving work on Friday to do Monday or something. But I like having everything done at the end of Friday. So…

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