Recent Entries

• Called it – Now fostering.

  September 26, 2022

  Last week I said I feared there would be a CPS Removal if my co-worker didn't figure out her life and do better.  Sadly, those words were far too true. Her child's father came back and she returned to him.  Again.  I ended up texting her Tuesday that if she was staying at the apartment…

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• Call to CPS; Waiting for RE appt

  September 19, 2022

  Sigh. People and their shitty ass choices are too much for me. Why? I get life’s hard. I understand trauma bonds better than many. I get the domestic violence cycle and returning. I lived it. I physically beat it. (Emotionally I’ll always be working on beating it I feel.) But to return repeatedly...

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• AMH Results, Game Plan Options

  September 15, 2022

  Another day.  Another week of crappy answers. The biopsy came back fine.  Thankfully.  I should be thrilled, but I honestly wasn't really worried that it wouldn't. Then it popped up that I had more results.  Waiting for the AMH and logged in - Well, THAT was depressing.  New levels - .45.  Seriou...

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• Too many feelings.

  September 12, 2022

  I'm exhausted.  Imagine that. The nightmares continued last week.  I don't understand,  yet I understand.  I wish I had control over triggers and life and could just feel like a functioning human some days.  Sometimes I wonder... if he died... would it end?  Would the nightmares end?  Would the f...

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• Triggering Tuna – F*** PTSD

  September 9, 2022

  It’s amazing. The little things that can be a trigger. How something so small can blow your whole world and day up. Seriously, somedays I’m reminded how much I hate the past, hate the people of the past, hate dealing with C-PTSD. How in the hell can a smell cause anxiety and nightmares? It’s bull...

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• More Testing. Family aka Fake Pictures

  September 9, 2022

  It's finally Friday!  Amazingly, I have the weekend off - assuming the restaurant world doesn't end of course - and that is a miracle in itself.  I'm exhausted so I'm not sure how productive or fun it will be.  However, not serving people food sounds appealing in itself.  This world better not en...

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• ExFil Hospital. Crazy Girl. Stupid Mom.

  September 2, 2022

  Tired. Tired of breathing. Tired of stupid people. Tired of drama. Tired of working. Tired of the endless list of tasks that never end. Tired of being tired. Enough said. It’s 6:45. I’m simply trying to keep myself awake until 8. Worried if I go lay in bed I’ll never leave it again or I’ll…

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• Still No Contact, Doctors, Rambling.

  August 24, 2022

  Still swimming through this thing we call life.  Often don't know which way is up, but hey, I'm going which is all that matters. Son's been at college for 3 1/2 weeks now.  Week 2 he got an ear infection and had to go to the clinic.  (I'm fairly confident this is a combination of…

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• No Contact w/ Mom, Son to College, Infertility Journey Beginning

  August 16, 2022

  Life - it's a rough roller coaster far too often.  I haven't wrote in forever.  There's so many things to say, yet I never know where to begin.  So, I just skip it all together.  However, with all the ups and downs I feel like I NEED to write, WANT to write.  Something is better…

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