Grief Circle
Funeral. Now life simply resumes.
Just like that, it’s over. The hard, awful week. Her funeral was today. I feel overall it went well. As well as a funeral can go. It’s the aftermath I’m scared of. The feuding over who gets what. Who goes where. How these teenagers will continue to be raised. The pain that will still exist…
Heart Shattering Hugs, Covid Death.
Those soul crushing hugs. They kill me. The ones where you can feel the literal pain of the person you’re hugging. The sobs coming from the deepest part of their soul. The death grip, like if they let go they will fall into all the pain they are releasing. It’s the kind of hug you…
Anger into a Purpose
Still stumbling daily through this thing we call life. As always - Where to begin? I haven’t written lately. It’s easier to just ignore the world. Pretend none of it’s there. Take a break. Be me. Laying in bed. Angry. As always. I decided it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair he keeps taking things from...
So hard – More details – Can’t function.
Some nights hurt so bad I was to claw my body apart. I want to take out my heart. Take out any organ that produces emotion. I want to simply die. Be done. I just want the pain to stop. I know it’s a panic attack. I know if I keep breathing it’ll get better.…
Two Months Without You
My amazing friend - We are nearing 2 months. 2 full months without your glowing personality. All because evil won and took you away. Gosh, it’s been a long two months. Yet in the same breath I feel like it was just yesterday. Have I told you lately that I love you? That my heart…
Some Peace, Followed by Pain
Sometimes I feel like I’m doing so good. I’m going forward. Slowly. I miss her. I ache for her. But I go forward. Then something happens and it all crashes down. Boom shattered. You felt confident? How’s this extra hard kick to knock you back down? I didn’t want to be here for the month…
I miss you.
The title says it all. I fall asleep crying. I wake up in the middle of the night crying. I wake up in the morning to fresh tears streaming down my face before I can even open my eyes. My gosh. I. Miss. You. I can still hear your voice clear as day. I can…
Heartbroken – This wasn’t the answer.
To say I’m sad would be an understatement. I’m sad. I’m broken. I’m hurt. I’m angry. I’m confused. It’s awful. It’s 150% awful. I thought the tears were done. I thought I could turn off the light and sleep. Surrounded by darkness I glanced at Facebook. And here I am again. Sobbing. Asking why. W...
A Plan
I've been trying hard this week to leave the sadness behind. It's been really hard because I miss my dad. I'm trying to find meaning. You know, a way to justify all of this. But the truth is, I just can't. I know God has a plan for us. I know that somehow, at some…
Today
So today I am determined to make this a good day. I'm gonna try to get through this day. Today I have decided I am not going to ait around and cry. I'm going to focus . I'm going to get my work done. I'm going to feel ok.