Grief Circle
Random thought
I wrote this earlier this morning (well yesterday now) during church service as tears well up in my eyes and fall down my face and I wipe them away. I was going to add more to this but I'll leave it as it was. Maybe I grieve/mourn him still because I never got to say…
Thinking of All of You Over the Holidays
I lost my 9 year old son, the youngest of my four kids, 18 years ago. Writing through my raw grief really helped me. I have rediscovered my diary after five years. I decided to join this group. People grieving need to be surrounded with those that are grieving, too. I am here to offer…
Intermittent reality
As the days go by, some days I'm so mature, and I can say without breaking down and crying, that this is it for mom. Other days I cry with EVERYTHING. Practically everything in my home, in her home, brings me a memory. I hired a nurse one week after her episode, and she comes…
To the boy who stole my heart..
Dear X, I still love you and think about you... Every. Single. Day. A year has gone by since you inevitably broke my heart. "Broke," is too kind and soft of a word to describe the empty space filled with dust in this chest of mine. My heart will never belong to me again, my…
Nothing really
So I was going to start doing a work task. But I got a cuppa instead. I’ll sit and drink it while it’s hot and write a few words before moving on to do some actual work. Went for a walk/jog with my friend this morning. It was beautiful out there! I was very tempted…
An Orphan’s Tale
I was so blessed to have my parents as long as I did considering their health issues. Mom passed away on 05/13/03 after battling kidney failure for 30 years and having been on dialysis for 10 years. I just lost dad on 02/21/18. He had a horrible last three months so I am glad that…
And This is Why I’m Done
Even before I lost my baby, she was incredibly flaky. We have been friends for 13 years. She just randomly disappears off the face on the planet for weeks/months at time. You will send her a text/Facebook message, and she just never gets back to you. Then forever will go past, and she'll be like,...
I Witnessed A Friend Go Insane; Reunited Pt 2
Sigh. Writing this story is pretty difficult for me. My heart feels very heavy in my chest. But here is part two of "Reunited And It Feels So Good". After I shot Leo down for sex, he needed to run to the pharmacy to pick up something. He asked me if I wanted to tag…
I Witnessed A Friend Go Insane; The Dream
It had been six years since I spoke to Leo. Regardless, I still tried to contact him. I apologized time and time again for the harsh things I had said. Over the years, Facebook showed that he read the messages, but no reply. January 2017, I had three dreams of Leo. In the dreams we…
Deflated.
I hate this because I feel deflated. Deflated. The same word you used to describe how I make you feel. It’s a kind of emotional exhaustion. Disappointed. Hopeless. A little confused. Why.