Is it Wrong to Mourn?

I find it really hard to mourn for someone who has not been in my life for so long. I mean we dated, then became friends, dated again off and on for years. He got married and I got married. He had kids, but we remained friends. Then last month almost a week after he killed himself, I learned he died. I thought about how we still stayed in touch monthly with each other. Living a few hundred miles apart. I love my husband, he is my rock. By my ex was my first love. I knew him deeply. Suicide was the last thing I ever would have thought. Now I mourn him when I am alone to not upset my husband.

I feel weird about it all because I still loved him but was not in love with him anymore if that makes sense. But when I cry, I cry like I did when my dad died. I just feel torn about how to mourn for someone I am no longer with.