MAYBE EVERYBODY NEEDS SOMEBODY

Last night me and a few friends had some alcahol at my house. (my room now smells like vomit with is pretty chat.) two of my freinds got smashed, while me and one didnt. she was looking after them so well. they were passin out on the floor and bawling about past relationships, while she was the responsible one. i asked her why. she said it was cuz she was their friend. shes always the one who everyone relies on. she can never break. shes always the ‘adult’ who has to keep it together.

meanwhile nobody knows that she cuts and shes got very disorded eating. shes severely depressed behind closed doors. she looks after evryone, who looks after her? it seams like shes made a choice.

selfish or selfless? does the choice really have to be made? is it better to be neutral?

i got an uncontrollable feeling while i was a bit out of it. i cut. i know i do it for control. i never cut with a razor, nor do i burn myself – there wouldnt be enough control.

iv always tried to go back and work out what im thinking wen i cut. all i remember from last night it one thought – "ill never be gud enough". how original.

something about this is not right. helping someone out isnt usually this big a sacrifice, is it? im so screwed. cat said last night while i was drunk that shes scewed. all cuz of helpin out other screwed people – years of uncertantity. i must have taken a wrong turn. kept all the secrets too well until they overwhelmed me? was i not strong enough? i cannot turn around now; this is my path. all i can do it keep walkin and see where else it leads me.