NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
So not feeling great lately…
My mind is bursting with negative thoughts all day at school – I’m talking literally 6 out of the 7 hours of school today was my negative side talking shit and my positive side attemping to reject it.
It gave me a headache, so I had to go to the sick bay and get some panadol.
It’s just so fucked up.
"Nobody likes you Lizzy, nobody cares, go die, nobody would really miss you…" BLA BLA BLA. Then someone walkin past interupts – "Hey Liz!" and we begin to have a conversation, but in all the gaps between each sentence, that voice in my head is putting me down.
Why is my mind controlling me? Does that even make sense?!
2 people told me today that I should put on some weight, 2 people said I should be a model, 1 said I’d lost weight off my ass from grade 7 (two years ago). So they’re all flattering things I can be happy about
I really think i’m quite fucked up. Will it always be this way? It feels like it. I wonder if one day things will change and I’ll realise what real happiness is. And I’ll apreciate it like no one else.
yea i get like that sometimes and its hard when your talking to people and you don’t want to let them know whats screaming inside of you so i try and smile but i know i look stupid and my vioce says ‘look at you! really! look at you…your a fake,a potetic(sp?) annoying FAKE! and know likes a fake. so fuk it a die.’ but most of all a usally wonder the last things u wrote. ….
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Lizzy. It will get better. The others can enjoy thier happiness now, but one day you’ll have it and it will be something none of those happy people can ever feel. because thier not specail.Not like you.I mean not many people and really express thier feelings on paper the way you do. Thats something to live for right,I onli no you from what you write on the paper & i already think ur incredible….
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… I mean you can feel things i know the other happy people can and i would do ANYTHING to get these thoughts out but but what im trying to say is that oneday you’ll be as happy as you deserve to be. You may not be important to other people, like your friends, lizzy but your important to me(even if i’ve never met you)so tell your voice to go and f*** off. ’cause your the BEST.
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I know how you feel sometimes. School is the worst damn thing ever, always makes me upset too. Keep your head up because “those” people must be aweful and cruel and who would want to be with them if they are like that?I try to surround myself with only people that love me, if they don’t love me and care for me and who I am then I should care! I know its
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hard to not care, but I care and there are tons of other people who do too! Small people do not matter so please don’t let them get to you! Go get some fresh air, sing in the shower and have a chick flick movie marathon…most importaintly smile! *huggs and hugss my dear* take care
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sorry if that note got a little mixed up, it switched over on my and I got confused. basically, I meant don’t care about those other people bc there are many OTHER people who care and love you! Just wanted to make sure it made sense to ya, sry for the confusion!
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I get depressed from time to time so I know what it feels like. I am always weight conscious. It feels cruddy, and I know how it feels to get complements on it so I’m glad for you.
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Lizzy I wrote an entry for you. You’ll know what it is. Check it out OK?
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it gets better… sometimes it takes awhile but it does. =) hang in there…
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