GET IT OFF ME **MAY BE TRIGGERING**

I made a thinspiration book. It’s got heaps of pictures of models with skinny legs in it. And I searched all the not-yet-deleted pro-ana sites I could find for more stuff. I found:

• A list of 30 reasons to be thin
• A list of safe foods and negative calory foods
• Celebrity (mostly model) stats (height, weight, BMI)
• A list of things to do instead of eating
• Ways to minimalise the calories you consume in a restaurant
• Things to say to people who want you to eat
• A whole lot of killer quotes

So when the computer printer gets fixed **may never actually happen cuz it broke like 6 months ago**, I’ll print all that out and stick it in! If anyone wants me to post or send them any of that stuff on the bullet points, note me about it, cuz its all really good stuff. I’m picky, but it’s all really really good. Especially the model stats because I’m 5"10, and a lot of them are between 5"9 and 5"11, and weigh a whole lot less than me. I don’t want to post any of them because I don’t want my entries to trigger anybody who is trying to recover from an ED. But note me cuz these thinspiration things are helpful!

That’s Kate Moss.

Anyway today I have consumed:

• Golden Gaytime icecream – 234
• 3 Corn Thins – 66
• 1/2 flavoured water – 13
• 1/2 plate of nachos – 200 tops?

Total calories – 513. That icecream fucked things up. I went to the beach with my mum and she was like Yay now we can get an icecream!…Yay

Don’t you love those bullet points? So handy!

I’m on holidays now, and really can’t be fucked to do hours of excercise each day. All I do regularly is maybe an hour walking each day. And that would be including incidental stuff like walking to the kitchen to get icecream and all that other stuff I dont have the self control to refuse.

That’s the thing about dieting. I do it because I don’t want anything to control me. It’s like food is a drug, and I’m addicted to it. All I want to eat is what I have to eat. Anything more is just feeding my addiction. I want the cravings to go away. They’re controlling me.

I was reading my old entries. When I started this diary at the start of this year I was 65kg (143lb), and now I’m 60kg (132lb). It doesn’t sound like much of a difference, but I was so surprised when I read it. All this up and down, starving, binging, feeling guilty bullshit has payed off. It’s only a little weight difference, but the fact that I’ve lost any weight at all makes me a little bit happier than before I knew. I tried on a pair of jeans today that I bought mid-last year. They were too big. I couldn’t beleive it. They were only just hanging off my hips.

Anyway now I’m aiming for 400 a day. It’s easy because I get up at 12 (it’s holidays), go out, come home and then I eat. Tomorow I’m going to the shops with my friend from 1PM and then I plan to get sushi for dinner before going to his house . We wanna watch Charlie and the Chocolate factory, the old version. Should have some fun because his parents don’t live with him. So anyway if I tel him I’ve already had lunch, then we just get sushi for dinner and I only have one serving, I should end up having way less than 400 calories by the end of the day.

This entries on the long side… Peace out xXx