My Irony

 So once again I find myself alone at night.  Another lover come and gone.  This one lasted 2 roller coaster years.  I didn’t want to date her, didn’t want to love her. but I did.  Its hard to not appreciate or love someone who loves you for no reason at all.  She loved me, and I didnt like her, then I loved her and she no longer loved me.  My first heartbreak was bc I was immature and didnt have a job, and had no future.  I believe this one was bc of the pressures of me working and going to school.  I took my stress out on her unfairly, im sure.  Never meant to do it, dont recall doing it, but im sure I did.  I went to make a POF account, and when it came time for me to sell myself in the description with my hobbies and goals and etc etc, I couldnt.  I dont have a single hobby.  I play xbox, yes, but I tire of it easily.  I spend my week as follows:  Monday, Wednesday, Saturday are school days. Tuesdays are fire Dept. Days. I work EMS so I work 24hrs every third day.  So with her working a normal day job, we never saw each other.  Either I was at work all day, or I went to school or the FD just before she got home.  I never got to see her, and when I did, she acted like she no longer wanted to see me in the end.  Its funny, really.  I can extricate ppl from wrecked cars, pull scared children from burning buildings, revive the ill, and save YOUR day.  I can beat for your heart, breath for your lungs, but I CANT SAVE MYSELF.     Spent my time working for what she wanted hoping to get what I needed.  My joy came from her joy, and now there’s no joy to come.