its a heartbreak

i am on 3 anti depression meds and one anti psychotic…

i am so medicated that it is impossible to feel pain…

i dream that i’m settin in a nice green field the wind blowing gentle and i can hear a church bell off in the distance…

jasper walks up beside me and we set and look out over the scenery…

i feel as though a very large piece of me is back where it belongs and love is back in my life…

i rub his ears and he snorts and puts his head on my lap and we set there forever in the one moment of dawn that is always perfect…

slowly he gets up and shakes off the rest, then he starts down the field…

he only turns once to look at me and say goodbye…

i wake to the horror of knowing it was only a dream…

i spend the rest of the day trying not to cry like a baby…

i see him everywhere…

the pain is more than i can live with…

i love him so much…

i want him by my side if only for one more day…

i am the most conservative man in the western hemisphere..

you couldnt pull a needle out of my ass with a tractor…

my only liberal streak is for my dead son…

my hero, my role model… my Jasper…