So many eggshells

Last night was really the last straw

I had a lovely evening with my knitting group. Oddly, it was my friend Annette that turned me onto this group. She got offended by something one of them said, so now all butt hurt she doesn’t attend the group.  I still continue because we all need women in our life of a certain age and mindset to guide us and inform us.  And now Annette and I don’t speak, for various reasons.  Funny how the world works

I got home and said hello to Sugar. As often is the case, the kitchen light was left on.  The sink faucet was also going, full blast

I got settled, and went into the kitchen and turned off the water.  My idiot roommate then came out and launched into this tirade about not having hot water, how I need to show him the hot water heater, on and on.  I said, sure, let’s go look at it

Instead, he does what he always does, and goes into his room, avoiding any type of responsibility

I checked the hot water heater, noted the code of flashing lights, emailed my landlord (and copying the idiot) and then tried to troubleshoot it.  This isn’t the first time this has happened.  The last time we were out of hot water for a few days as I had called PG&E to come since it’s a gas water heater.  They came out and immediately got the pilot light.  Good thing I paid attention to them and learned how to get it to work properly

I turned off the pilot and sat on the floor waiting.  I kept trying to get the pilot lit, and the sensor to blink blue and it finally took.

While I was out there, freezing as it was dropping into the low 40’s last night, I started to cry. I have never felt so helpless. Not because I couldn’t figure out how to get us hot water, but because I am in a situation that I cannot get myself out of. I feel like I am stuck here in this place and it was just so overwhelming

I know that I need to find a place to live. It will take a miracle to find a place that I can afford, that isn’t 100 miles away from where I work, that will allow animals.  I will get rid of my big red couch and get Barbie dream house sized furniture. I will continue to go without things until I get money saved, credit cards paid off, a light at the end of that tunnel

In the meantime, it’s really on me to deal with how I live there and deal with him.  It would be so much easier if we could have a normal, adult conversation.  However, someone who makes 6 figures, is a senior bank manager and I am sure makes hundreds of decisions all day, cannot take any type of constructive criticism, gets all butt hurt when I mention something that remotely smacks of him not doing things correctly

I need to find some way of not letting any of his idiocy bother me. None of that should affect me, unless it’s him literally burning down the house, which he’s almost done, twice. But it does, it always sets me off

For my mental health, I need to not engage, but I also need to find words to say to him that gets my point across but doesn’t offend his delicate sensibilities. When we first moved in together, we got into it one time and he admitted that he’s lazy and gets away with it. That’s in the back of my head every time he gets away with not doing anything

He’s a means to an end right now. I live there because I cannot leave and once I find a place, I am never going to think about him again