Too Good To Be True

I have been on leave since Saturday and besides being seriously broke and praying to get blessed with the lotto wins…or get paid real soon and with a nice bonus…things have been nice and chilled.

Sleeping in….streaming shows and just doing whatever I want to do and whenever I want to do it.

Things are going well between myself and my husband. We smile and laugh and have good talks and are just really enjoying each other’s company.

He has even agreed to getting his first Pfizer shot tomorrow. Sucks that it has taken him so long to agree to it, but at least he is…but not going to hold my breath as who knows how he will feel tomorrow.

Talking about Covid my oldest sister has had it since last weekend and her middle daughter had it then too…now the whole family has it. Thankfully they have all been vaxxed and it isn’t anything too bad…but still sucks,  particularly knowing, from news, how bad it can get.

On Thursday my husband and I are having pur first individual sessions with the marriage counselor. I don’t know what I am going to say and or what to expect. Last week I filled in a questionnaire she sent us…and it made me think a lot. I can’t stop thinking back about some of the questions and how I felt when I thought about how to answer them. 1 question that keeps going round snd round in my head was How Much I Trusted My Partner…of course I do trust him with my life but the fact that I had to think about how I was going to answer that question and with complete honesty I know I don’t FULLY trust him.

My oldest sister told me yesterday that when she comes down to CT she wants to have a chat with me. She went on to say she doesn’t know what the point will be when I tend to never listen anyway. I knew exactly what she was talking about.  I told her that I look forward to talking to her and having some sister catch up. I know what I want to say and how I will reply to everything she wants to “CHAT” about. I just hope that I follow through with how I feel and what I want to say, and don’t just chicken out….I hate being confrontational or being a disappointment to anyone.

DISAPPOINTMENT…

That has always been my biggest fear. I have always, and still do, want to be loved by everyone. sounds silly….

My husband and I were watching a movie this afternoon….Lucky You…it is so not a movie I would ever watch so don’t know why I even have it….but anyway….throughout the movie we were speaking and trying to analyze the movie and I felt like we got close. The main actor was just saying how his addiction to gambling doesn’t hurt anyone else, so he sees no problem with it. I smirked and said how that was such a ‘bullshit’ thing to say.  My husband asked me why? I turned it around to myself and told him that I have always felt that eating sugar and junk doesn’t hurt anyone else but me….but when I really thought about it, I was just lying to myself, because if anything had to happen to me it would hurt him and my sisters and people that love me and count on me. So if the guy continued with his gambling and things got bad and the mob had to come after him, yes it would hurt only him physically, but can he honestly say his father or family etc wouldn’t be hurt by his death etc. I went on further but not in the mood to go on and on about it…basically in life there is always a cost to everything that we do.

Oh well….guess I am just rambling now…