What’s in a name.

So, now that I’ve heard your lover raging on your voicemail messages, let me reiterate the reasons why you shouldn’t give her my name.

First and foremost is my emotional safety. My reputation. I guarded yours with the utmost of sanctity for many years and I hope you feel an obligation to do the same for me. Especially since you allowed her access to my number in the first place.

She said she wanted my name so she could protect herself, but from WHAT I don’t know because I have not so much as glanced your way, so that’s irrational.

She said you OWED it to her cuz you played her and that you could make amends by giving her my name. Another irrationality. How does anything to do with ME pay HER back for YOUR transgressions? Totally nonsensical.

She thinks you and I are going through her phone and I’m looking at the personal messages back and forth between you and her??? Does she think I would WANT to see correspondence between you and her? Nah, I don’t want to know.

She doesn’t hold that kind of power over me but I’m sure she wishes she did. I truly don’t care to know what her messages to you say.

Funny…

That’s the same thing you both did to me. SHE read OUR messages back and forth as I cried my heart out to you in pain and bewilderment. Yup, that bitch got a front row seat to the shit show that my life was at that moment.

She made sure she clawed her way to the top of the pack and she made sure she was the only one left. She hurt you and robbed you of the woman you loved and you are still with her and I will never understand THAT.

I know full well why she wants my name and I think you do, too. We BOTH know the real reason, the reason that goes BEYOND the excuses she’s giving you.

But in case you DON’T understand the underlying message she’s sending, I’ll translate it from woman speak to layman’s terms.

She got you in the end but she didn’t get all of you. Part of your heart is still mine and she needs to own ALL of you to be the victor.

She got her man but that’s not enough. She wants you to PROVE you love her more than you love me and how she wants you to prove that is by giving up my name. My identity. My invisibility. My safety. My immunity.

She wants you to serve me up to her on a silver platter.

The only thing that will quiet the anger in her heart is if you stop protecting me. That’s the only dowry she will accept. You revealing my identity gives her the ammunition she needs to keep you in line, because then she can use the threat of bringing physical harm to me. Knowing my name will finally give her control of everything and over everyone.

That’s what she needs in order to validate her absolute victory. She will have the validation she so desperately seeks ONLY when you give to her what she knows is your most precious possession.

Me.

She hates that you protect me and she’s raging because she won’t truly be the winner until you sacrifice me to her.

Now is when you make the choice.

Are you gonna sell me out to keep that pussy in your pocket and throw away the closest thing to unconditional love you’ve ever had? The only woman that loves you more than me is named Lily and she’s not here to protect you. But I AM.

Let’s see how your Momma and God made you, Roger.

Let’s see what you do when you are faced with total selflessness by perhaps losing your piece of ass to protect me…someone that no longer serves you a purpose.

Let’s see what happens when it comes down to you getting a regular local blowjob or saving my ass from a vengeful, physically addicted, hot mess that you brought in like a cancer that’s now consuming every part of you so it can get to me.

You have two choices here. You can choose betrayal or integrity.

You can show me the man you used to be or you can show me the same man you have shown me for the past year.

Life is a matter of choices, and every choice you make makes you.

The day my name crosses her tainted lips is the day I finally find out the man YOU really are.

I’m scared. I have ONE person I can really rely on and that is myself.

But it’s too late for that. I have to rely on you. 18 months ago, I would not have questioned putting my life in your hands.

But today, I am bracing for impact.