Recent Entries

• I have become your fleeting thought.

  June 22, 2022

  So, let me make sure I have this right… You're still awake and texting at 3:00 a.m. You're still with Lori. Vickie is still in your rental. You did drugs as recently as 2 weeks ago. So...nothing's changed. You've ignored me for 2 months now. That's how you ended our 15 year relationship. I assume...

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• Life of illusion

  May 16, 2022

  I would never hurt myself intentionally but the way I feel today, I understand those that do. I've been crying since before I got out of bed this morning. I hurt from a place so deep that I fear my heart may be irrevocably altered. I don't understand why I have been crying since the…

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• I have kissed honey lips, felt the healing in her fingertips

  May 9, 2022

  I'm sitting at work with a little time to kill. That rarely happens as this is a well established shop. I'm in my hometown and I already have customers scheduled for the future. Word has gotten around that I'm working in town and this may be the busiest and most successful I've ever been in…

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• Kicking rocks

  May 9, 2022

  Today I feel like I'm kicking rocks. For anyone wondering... "Kicking rocks" is the redneck term for booting someone out of your life. You tell them to get packing, take a hike and start kicking rocks down the gravel road. The sun is shining and spring is finally here.  I wonder if there is ever&...

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• Pink outside the box.

  April 25, 2022

  I hurt so bad. And I am angry. I don't want to feel anger in my heart. I want to feel loved. I want to be healed and held and spoken to. I want my love to be healing and therapeutic and good for someone other than me. Writing in this diary is all I…

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• My own personal Jesus.

  April 24, 2022

  I miss how he used to cherish me. I know it doesn't seem like he could have, in light of how he wasn't satisfied with my love, but it always seemed like he genuinely did cherish me. I know it's wrong to miss it, because it is a privilege a lot of women never have.…

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• Fool me once…

  April 24, 2022

  I got a text message from R. a few hours ago saying he's got a treatment plan for detox.  He says it is a 5 day stay. Inpatient. But the dates don't correlate to any calendar month in the future or past. They simply don't exist, as he stated they were SUNDAY 4/20/22- THURSDAY 4/25/22.…

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• If you ever get annoyed look at me I’m self employed

  April 24, 2022

  Going back to work was the best decision I've made in years. Just as I predicted, within fifteen minutes of entering the shop, I was halfway through a haircut and my resting heart rate was normal for the first time in what seemed like forever. It felt like I took a Xanax. Only I didn't.…

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• Never too late to go back home.

  April 22, 2022

  Home isn't where I sleep. Home is where I do my trade of 36 years. HOME is, and has always been, the Barber Shop. There is a shop owner in town and we have been personal friends for 40+ years. I've worked for her on and off over the decades and we have always had…

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