Recent Entries

• The devil made me do it

  March 3, 2021

  Stop beating myself up? I think I'm done doing that and now I just want to isolate and lick my self inflicted wounds. My lover said stop beating yourself up. So, I'm not going to do it out loud any longer. I will find a quiet spot and ponder. I did that once. Then I…

  Continue Reading...

• The girl you don’t take home to Mother.

  March 3, 2021

  I have finally felt something I have not felt in a long time. Shame. I did the same thing to my lover that he did to me. I wish I hadn't. It could easily be the biggest mistake of my life. When he did it, I ripped him to shreds. I was so angry that…

  Continue Reading...

• Playing dirty is for cowards

  March 1, 2021

  My Lover has always told me that if I wanted to, I could have another man in bed.One with a bigger penis or more stamina or whatever he thinks I'm missing out on. I can say in all honesty that I never felt like I wanted to cheat or needed anything other than him. There…

  Continue Reading...

• Time for a dashboard Jesus

  March 1, 2021

  I am not defending my behavior, but in the past three months, I've had a seemingly heavy load of stress. Maybe it isn't the typical stress your average person has, but right now, my life feels like the makings of a bad country song. I don't want to complain because I love being a mostly…

  Continue Reading...

• Mind reader

  March 1, 2021

  My lover treated me to a beautiful weekend and I drank too much and copped a bit of an attitude. I guess I was bossy and demanding sexually. I thwarted his efforts to sexually please me and then got pissed at him for not reciprocating promptly enough. He didn't deserve my treatment and I usually&...

  Continue Reading...

• Row, row, row your boat

  March 1, 2021

  These next few entries may be the hardest ones I've written yet.  After my lover cheated, I was numb. It didn't just hurt. It was crushing. My self esteem and sexuality and everything I ever loved about myself is now in question. There is now a memory burned into my mind that I cannot erase…

  Continue Reading...

• Daydream Believer

  March 1, 2021

  In my mind, I live a different life. I close my eyes and live in a world where every color is rich like velvet and so bright it hurts your eyes. The grass is like a  deep lush carpet that covers my toes. The ground underneath the grass is cool and damp, and mother nature…

  Continue Reading...

• Addicted to love

  February 22, 2021

  When I learned about the other "other" woman, the defense my lover offered up was that he feared he had a sex addiction. I panicked, because an addiction means it is likely to happen again, as does the general pattern of his behavior. I poo poo'd the sex addiction thing as just lip service to&hel...

  Continue Reading...

• Be careful what you wish for

  February 19, 2021

  Ok, you said you wanted every angry entry, to know why every tear was shed, why every idea was dismissed or acted on, what wounds I carry and who I cannot forgive. The most sacred of all the things you will become privy to are my hopes and my fears.   If you run away from…

  Continue Reading...