Deja fucking vu

Wanna know what I think?

I think you’re going back to your wife.

You actually said the words “this is the best we’ve gotten along in years” and the fact is, you’re living there with her and she has told me to stay away and to stop chasing you.

And you let her. You encouraged me to make it easier for her. You let her hurt me to make her feel better and to make moving back home easier for you.

You living there and moving in with her has pretty much happened and you admitted it.

The fact that you even did it for one day, let alone a week, and the fact that you cuddle her and that you have visited Vickie in addition to all this tells me that you still love the both of them and they are still taking up all your time. I’m always the quiet one in the corner NOT being demanding and crazy and guess what that’s gotten me? And you still want sex from Vickie maybe, cuz you’ve “visited”. Now Lori is willing to give you sex, too. What the fuck do you need me for?

You want it to go back to the way it was, with me a secret, while she turns the screws even tighter and you live together? She already considers you back together and you are making it a reality.

So I made it through all that heartache just to see you go BACK to Lori and now, things will be even more suffocating than they were before. She will have hawk eyes on you and you will never be allowed to see me.

So all that talking to Lori I did was to appease her and to make your transition back home easier?

How do I know? You still don’t want to call me and you’re still kissing her ass, worse than before. You are still leaving me out to dry and putting talking to me and working it out with me last, cuz that’s where it ranks evidently.

I’m not sure what you even want with me anymore. You tell me one thing but then you act another way.

I don’t know what to believe anymore or who to trust.

You are living with your wife.

Looks like you want to sign back up for your old life.

I’m pretty sure she didn’t fill the position yet cuz she can’t. You’re the only one willing to suffer her abuse. She makes you so miserable that ruining your life with drugs was comparably better to you in your mind. Think about that shit.

I’ll take yet another step back cuz that’s where you seem to want me to be, either behind everyone else or plain old forgotten and left in the dark.

I’m getting sick of being in solitary confinement.

I’m about to make a run for the light.