The Dreams..WHAT DO THEY MEAN??!!!

I’m tired of life. Im tired of constantly having to go to school and come home to a screaming cussing sister and a bitchy mom. Im tired of having to deal with teachers who don’t know the pain they inflict when they talk about how they saw Andy. Im tired of knowing that there is a boy that has a crush on me and Im tired of knowing that people think im a crazed woman on crack. I am seriously tired of living…Im tired of having dreams of rapists. I am tired of being beat up by Andy in my thoughts.

Last night, I had a dream. Andy was with his friend in MY kitchen. My parents were gone so they didn’t know they were in my house. I was hiding and listening to their conversations. I heard Andy say something about fucking his friend “Janine”(?). I just remember being on top of him and punching him in the eye. Then, he was on top of me. I remember him raping me, but in the process he beat me to a pulp. I remember in my dream being weak and helpless and letting my blood just flow from my body. I remember then waking up on my kitchen floor with blood everywhere and Andy and his friend gone. I was naked with my parents gathered around me, screaming at me! They were asking me why I had done this to myself. When I tried to insist it was Andy, they just said I was a liar and to NEVER do that to myself again. End of Dream and the Beginning of Reality again.

I don’t know what the hell these kinds of dreams mean. I have had three raping dreams (two were of Andy, and one of Brad…where did he come from?). I have had an abundance of dreams where I get beat up by friends or family. And I had one dream where Andy’s mom and dad found me and bitched me out…hmmmm. If they had the chance they probably would!

*sigh* Am I crazy? I dunno…I feel so annoyed right now. Probably cuz im on my period. I have been tired and bitchy all day. I wish Tim would just leave me alone cuz he keeps telling Michelle to ask me “if we still have a chance”. For the people that don’t know, Andy and Tim were both rivaling for my attention at the same time. But Andy got to me first (and took my cute little heart and threw it in the trashcan)…now that Andy doesn’t have me, Tim wants me! *sigh* I just want boys to leave me alone!!!!!! Good lord. (Bob says: ”But Lily, you don’t believe in the Lord!” Lily says: “SHUT UP BOB!!!!!”) So anyway. I guess I’ll see you a little later peeps!!

Luvz—Lil Depressed Dolly