It Could Happen!

Today while we droe to the mall he said something to me which got me thinking some more about something that I just cannot stop thinking about.

He asked me if I would be okay if he did long distance and he worked in the  or on an 

that I would be okay with that. Anyway the conversation got to the point where I said I would not move to the , which he was very upset about and asked me why and I went on about how I didn’t want to leave, what would I do and when he said he could get me a job where he works I insisted how I don’t want to work for his boss in anyway…no matter what branch of the many they have, I jsut don’t want to affiliated with them as I have so many issues with them.

Anyway I don’t know what was concluded with our conversation as he kinda shut down when I told him I will not move.

While we were in the shopping centre whenever I saw something I liked I kept thinking of how I could buy that for my new house, which I would move into while my husband was working abroad.

…but it has been fun thinking of my life after him. The other day I even imagined me having the talk with my sister and asking her to help me get out and start over.

Because I would be doing this all behind his back…weather he worked abroad or not…many things I would leave behind… but just think about all the things I would buy to start new…

 and of course I would buy new cutlery and kitchen essentials and tools…. I know I would have to sneak out my Traditional Jewish Ornaments…boy did it miss me off that he used my Shabbat Candle Sticks to hold candles for the ‘romantic dinner’ which he failed to create and that I kinda instigated.

Okay so all I need to make this happening is about R 12 000 000 to buy the house, furnish it, set myself up with investments and savings and let’s not forget how I really want to get the building of my community mikvah started too…I also would like to have a better job than the one that I have right now.

I often wonder if my writing all these thoughts and wishes is enough to make them come true one day soon. 

While we were at the mall I inntiated something that has me feeling really bad…

Went to  where he bought my engagement ring…, as I need to get it made smaller since I have lost so much weight. Anyway while we were there he saw something that he liked for himself and I tried on a ring that I love and he loved on me…  . We walked out of the store all happy and uppity but a few minutes later things got miserable between us and my mind went back to thinking about my plans on moving out… anyway now I am thinking how could I go and get my engagement ring made smaller and be looking as other rings and obviously planning a future with him on some level, yet in the back of my mind be thinking about and wanting to and planning an escape?