And then I woke up

Sitting on the bed next to him, I was facing him, listening to everything he was telling me that was going on with him and his family. Him and His girlfriend had taken a break or broken up for a little while because he was confused about feelings he had. There was tension between us, but I couldn’t figure out what kind of tension it was or if it was good or bad.

As we talked it seemed as though we were getting closer to each other until he kissed me. Neither of us stopped it and we allowed ourselves to get carried away. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. I felt my heart start to pick up pace and I had to remind my self to breathe. There was no more talking just kissing. At some point we had shifted our bodies so that he was placed between my legs with his hands on either side of me. The sensation that made its way through my body made me want to pull you close because I needed to feel more of him. I could hear an alarm go off and when I opened my eyes I realized it was just a dream.

The reality we never made it that far, we made it as far as kissing and that’s where it ended. He had pulled away and said it wasn’t a good idea. We talked about it and agreed it was for the better.

Do you ever wonder about the ifs? I mean the simple yet meaningful moments like the one I just talked about? If given the chance to experience the missed moments would you? Would you allow your curiosity to take over your reasoning? Could you live with the if or would you have to find out if you were given a second chance?

I’ve been thinking a lot about a lot of different things and some of my conversations with people made me think of a few moments that I wonder what would have changed had that outcome been different. Sometimes I think the idea of things is better than the actual action itself.  There are those few things though that I still wonder what it would have been like.