Sex in the City (season 2)

Dear Jesus,

I definitely tried my hardest to get some work completed. I booked my locations for the music videos in July…all I have is one more place to book..but something tells me to call them personally to get a better rate or at least find a time when the building will be quiet.

i reached out to a makeup artist and waiting to hear back from…I reached out to two actually…but something tells me instead of paying for all those different days…watch some tutorials on YouTube, book a private learning session for $250 & only book the most important dates for an mua.

i also reached out to a videographer for the bts scenes for the music videos.

i reached out to a deejay for their board.

I also wrote down all the dates and addresses to the different locations for my music videos.

i booked a photographer but I’m not exactly sure if I’m going to move forward with her…I’m still deciding if I want to offer a slightly less rate to Ruben whose a fabulous photographer who doesn’t even shoot any more…but I think I might go with the other person because I hate asking people for favors.

i was going to buy a computer but I decided not to…I can’t imagine trusting someone for a computer…it’s off Facebook for $400. I don’t think that’s a good idea. plus my dad said not to do it…and I feel weird about taking a huge risk.

I also set up a hair appointment for an upcoming performance.

by the time I did all of these things I realized I worked in my living room from 3pm to 8pm. Those 5 hours felt like an eternity. My skin had a reaction from the stress of it all that I broke out a bit. I think I’ll be fine now since I put my acne patches on.

I will say this…I find it extremely difficult to do skincare, hair care, find time to work out(which I never do), eat the right amount of calories….ive come to a conclusion that the whole 2100 calories a day is absolutely insane! Before I tried the Unimeal app…I was eating about 3700-4000 calories a day. Especially when working with those women/demons at my job…but since the app, I’ve been doing much better. I started this app 11-12 days ago. I saw how much food I was eating so I gradually started to cut back…nowadays I only go over by 250 calories…

the last three days I’ve been eating only an average of 200 calories over. I have been fasting as well and only eating within a nine hour window…but it’s soooooo hard. I cheat myself by eating two melatonin gummies at night to not think of food…it’s really sad.

im not irritable..but I MISS EATING REAL FOOD!!!!

im eating peanut putter sandwiches with 20-30 chips, then I’ll have a tv dinner with stir fry vegetables…just that alone put me 100 calories over…and I BARELY ATE ANYTHING!

I need some help. I miss mashed potatoes, potatoe salad, sushi, burgers, fries, ice cream, seafood salad, fried chicken tenders, açaí bowls…if I were to eat any of these things…it would basically be my only meal.

but I can’t talk to you about this Jesus. I know people wish they had any food selection. Or just to be able to eat anything would be a blessing for them. Im very grateful for everything you are doing in my life.

im getting sleepy again. Im going to take some medicine to go to sleep when I wake up to urinate in the middle of the night, and I’m wearing my sleep mask too…and turning my phone off. I love you.

goodnight