Random Thoughts

Why did you delete that entry you wrote early Saturday morning?  You knew that I would find it, read it, and potentially have a response to it.  You had to know that.    

Of course, I was going to respond.  I had to. 

The early morning note I wrote you was a direct, immediate response.  I was in the moment, my words were uncensored, and the emotion behind the response was genuine.

This entry is a more thoughtful response to that now-deleted post.  You know what you wrote and so do I. 

I didn’t mean to subject you a friendship/relationship that you felt was “slowly killing” you.  Though you claim that you never wanted to “say goodbye”, I’d say that you did just that, though in your own and frankly, disrespectful way.  You chose to go with the term “easier”, but it is disrespectful.  As much as you claimed that I meant so much to you, somehow you came to the conclusion that I had this disrespect coming to me. 

You don’t just walk away from something because it’s easiest things to do.  Maybe that’s what hurts me the most?  You chose what you believed to be the easier route to take, regardless of how I might have felt or taken it.  That’s not something you do to someone you say you care so much about.        

As I wrote in that note I sent you and in effectively agreeing with you, “coward” is an excellent label to utilize in this instance and I was merely acknowledging the word that you opted to use to refer to yourself. 

Regardless of whether this was ever going to be a happy ending, the way you went about it was about as terrible and rotten as it could have gone.   Again, disrespectful.  Not even going to try to sugarcoat it either.     

I suppose it is funny that you would find yourself in my neighborhood and near or even on my street, being that you don’t work too far from that area. 

For a brief moment, I thought it was cute that you would park yourself in the vicinity and hope to see me from afar.  Then it occurred to me that you could still just as well talk to me in person and without having to resort to covert means.  It is cute though.   

But in the end, you’re going to have to forgive me for questioning and even doubting the extent to which you care because you went about this whole thing the wrong way.  Your recent words, coupled with your overall display, send a much different message.  If anything, this all tells me that… 

YOU DON’T CARE.

I just wish I knew this sooner.  So much sooner.