Into the internal minefield

Being Neurodivergent isn’t like being normal, I wish I could just simply get up and do the things that normal people do, don’t get me wrong I am not moaning about this but trying to explain for people that do not understand.

On the average day one thing can happen that turns the ND person into a melted down state. Something as simple as “Did I do take the bins out?”, a non ND person would have a simple answer Yes/No, and maybe that would lead to another question, if not why not. However the ND version of this simple thought becomes a lot more complex. Did I take the bins out, if not why not, what day is it, did I set an alarm for it, if not why not, did I not do it because I am being self destructive, did I set it for the wrong day/time? This can soon spiral into a situation of self despair.

🔄 1. Intrusive Loops and Executive Dysfunction

Neurodivergent brains often struggle with executive function, which governs task initiation, memory, and organization. A passing thought like “Did I put the bins out?” can trigger:

A memory black hole: They genuinely may not recall if they did it. This happens more often than people realise, mostly though it is minor things that do not matter, however it can happen when there is something major going on also, which leads to other complications.
Looping thoughts: The uncertainty gets stuck on repeat (“What if I didn’t? What happens then? Am I letting someone down?”).
Difficulty switching tasks: They may feel paralyzed, unable to continue what they were doing until the bin issue is resolved—if it can be.

⚠️ 2. Emotional Dysregulation

A small trigger can ignite disproportionate emotional responses:

Fear of failure or punishment: Some neurodivergent adults have trauma or shame from past mistakes or being perceived as lazy/forgetful. Forgetting the bins might mean “I’m unreliable” or “I’m failing at adulting.”
Perfectionism or rejection sensitivity (common in ADHD and autism): Missing a task = personal failure, not just a mistake.
The emotion floods the system and overrides logic—leading to a meltdown, where stress and overwhelm are released explosively or internally.

🧠 3. Cognitive Overload / Spoon Theory

That small question can be the final straw:

If the person is already juggling a high sensory load, social fatigue, or stress, one more uncertainty—even a small one—can overwhelm their cognitive capacity.
It’s like a browser with 50 tabs open, and a pop-up shows up asking something simple. It crashes the system.
This often leads to a meltdown (external distress) or shutdown (internal withdrawal).

📦 4. Task Significance and Mental Time Travel

The question isn’t just about bins:

It links to other routines: “Did I even do anything today?” → “What else have I forgotten?” → “Am I even coping?”
For someone with time blindness or object permanence issues, it’s not just one task—it’s a potential chain of forgotten tasks, responsibility, or consequences.
Suddenly, the brain is reliving past mistakes and anticipating disaster.

🧩 5. Lack of External Anchors

Neurodivergent adults often rely on external systems (timers, checklists, notes). If those are missing or not trusted in that moment:

Self-doubt spirals.
They may feel the need to check right now, abandoning whatever they’re doing.
Get stuck between needing to check and being too overwhelmed to move, leading to emotional overload.

💬 Example Internal Monologue:

“Did I put the bins out? Wait… I don’t remember. If I didn’t, they won’t get collected. Then the rubbish piles up. I promised I’d do it. Everyone will be annoyed. Why can’t I remember one simple thing? Why am I like this? Why can’t I just function like everyone else?”

The example of Bins is just an example, but it can literally be anything that triggers an emotional meltdown.

I recently had a Therapist, who I thought things were going well with, but after maybe four weeks, I found it difficult to focus all the professional would do is send me infographics, worksheets and diagrams. Not at all helpful. Will I try and find another therapist? maybe, is it the most important thing right now. Certainly not.