Sphere Bound…

I have purchased my self the most expensive therapy session ever. I am going to see BSB in Vegas at the Sphere in February with my friend from FL. I was having major FOMO, but knowing my current financial situation, post move to Indy lol, it didn’t look like it was gonna happen. Then when it looked like I was not going to be able to go, they added more dates. I found that I could use Affirm to buy tickets, so I was checking out prices. I don’t understand how Ticketmaster can allow such high resells, so only a self few people were able to buy their tickets at face value. The que was a joke and a nightmare lol. And while I had considered the December dates (all around Christmas and NYE/NYD) it was not looking to pretty. While in the midst of THAT presale nightmare, they added Feb dates. I opted to try for those instead, further out means more time to save and plan. So after a week of stress and tears, I decided to bite the bullet and make a purchase for the last date of the event (tho they will probably add more lol). Just like the previous dates ticket sales, these two were snatched up by scalpers and resold for profit. The amounts for some of these tickets for JUST THE TICKET was outrageous. I watched and waited, and sat and thought about hitting make payment. I have been depressed and sad and just unhappy, and i knew this would lift my mood, but i was still hesitant, because it’s so expensive. The day I purchased my tickets, I had just finished calling to FINALLY schedule with a counselor (I need one bad), I’d been crying all week and just feeling so down. I’ve felt this way off and on for the past 2 years and I couldn’t take it anymore, so i stopped procrastinating and called for one. I have an appt on Sept 4th.

I sat there, tear stained eyes and feeling down after I got off the phone with the counselor office to make an appt, and stared down at the tickets I had in my cart ready to pay with Affirm. Then I just said fuck it, I need this and hit make payment. I got two, because for one I didn’t wanna go alone to Vegas, if I could help it. Second, I know that my friend could use this too. She has truly been through some shit in the past few years, so she needs this too. Not only that, Millennium was the reason I became a BSB fan in the first place and the reason I met and became friends with her 25 years ago. I did not want to miss this, so I do not regret doing this. I don’t feel bad or stupid, because in all honestly I never really get to do anything that makes me happy. Even tho this is one night, it’ll be worth it. Watching Tiktoks people post of their shows had me in my feels and I noticed that the more I watched, the happier I felt. At least, if anything, my mood was lifted as reality set in that this is really gonna happen. Yeah I’ll be paying on this for a year, but I am ok. As it is, I am planning to get a second job anyway to help with bills, and any extra expenses, cause lets face it, Vegas is expensive lol, but I want to have fun and enjoy myself. I just needed this, it’s therapy to me. I know that sometimes when I am feeling down, if I decide to start playing BSB music, the nostalgia kicks in and my mood lifts to where I feel a little better. 

I know that when I get to do things like this,  I have an escape from the not-so-fun norm, I can focus on being in the moment and enjoying myself, instead of worrying about things I can’t control. I would like to go see them sooner, but considering costs, it’s more beneficial to wait and save up. I did book my hotel already, so that too, is on a payment plan. I’ll just have to front the resort/incidental fees myself. No biggie lol. All I really got left to do is book my flight, and I am gonna get on that sometime this week (payment plan style of course). It makes it so much easier to afford if I can break it up into monthly payments.  I feel it’s worth it and I now have something great to look forward to. I cannot wait.

I still have my moments where I feel meh, like now, but I don’t feel as low as I did last week. I just hope this virtual therapy session with the counselor i have next week can point me in the direction of dealing with my emotions, my unhappiness, stress and anxiety. I just wanna feel normal again