One day request to do nothing

Dear Jesus,

I have to go back to work today. I feel so bad. I don’t like feeling this way. I didn’t get to see my parents because I was busy trying to get my auditions together. I managed to only do one of my auditions but the other half I will finish this evening.

i am back friends with Scott again.Scott is this random guy I met who seems a little slow. He is practically homeless since he stays with his aunt. He gives plasma as a means to get by. Today he was around me the whole day and didn’t have money until the last minute when his plasma money came in. He bought me ice cream…

im glad Scott is back in my life…I needed a friend. Now I’m in bed. Waiting for the clock to turn 5:45am….then I have to pick out my clothes for the day.

Today I don’t feel like layers. I feel like a sweat shirt and my under thing…so maybe I do want layers. I really just prefer a sweatshirt but I can’t think of any that I have-except one brown sweatshirt. I’d have to look for it. And as far as shoes, my good ole tennis shoes that have a slight wedge to em so I won’t be the shortest person working there. Thank fully that has never been the case, I’ve never been the shortest person anywhere….not that it matters(but it does to me).

goals this week:

TODAY: LEARN “STAY” & “NEVER ENOUGH” & then “Deliver Me” & “Be Still”

1. Take vitamins everyday

2. facial mask everyday (home and car)

3. Fill out spring application

4. follow up with Vanessa from Jovie before the end of the week

5. Write to lone star state

6. stretch as much as possible

7. Work on album release/gather all songs 2g

8. $10 deposit for commercial workshop / dreamt

9. schedule home a glow

10. Update website

all of these goals are predicated on if I get an audition or not. I feel so upset sometimes. I’m thinking about my family. Something I think if I can make it then my family will be whole again. I will find a way for us to always be together.

now it’s almost time to go inside. I’m so upset Jesus. I never get to do what I want to do. I’m always trying to get ahead because the life I currently have seems like I’m always in survival mode. Meaning, I can’t get anything I want….i can’t buy this or do that…I have limits…and the money I do have-I purchase weed. I probably spent about $50 on  weed in the past week. I’m not going to do that anymore. That’s for sure.

i only have a little bit of weed left. Maybe enough for two. Gonna probably use that for my audition tonight and before hand. I don’t know. All I know is that I’m EXHAUSTED.

Jesus, please HEEEELLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPP – your daughter is asking for a miracle