26 Days
Dear Jesus, I’ve been scrolling on TikTok a lot….i don’t know why. I have a whole shopping cart of things I want to buy that equal over $1k. I wish I could post my shop somewhere for someone to find and bless me by purchasing it all.
i wish for a lot of things. Mostly to be fully prepared and ready. You know how much I want to actually FEEL prepared and KNOW I’m ready and capable. Maybe that’s why my dreams haven’t came true yet.
i think I stopped smoking since Monday…today is Tuesday…feels like forever – yet it’s only been less than 48 hours. Last night I sweated so profusely. I slept with my hair down and it was wet when I woke up.
sometimes I truly feel like angels and You exist…because how did I wake up at exactly 6:27am…when I’m supposed to be out the door by 6:30am. How did you know I was going to wake up much later than usual? Because I packed my bags and laid out my clothes prior so it was easy to hop in the shower, brush my teeth and comb my hair in 5min…I literally did all of that in 5 minutes! Then rushed out the door easily since I just had to “grab my things and go”.
i hope my job interview tomorrow goes well…they need a drivers license, FOUR REFERENCES, car insurance (I ride dirty), cpr certification, school transcripts, AND COVID CARD!!! Like what?!?!? This is so much! But I gotta do it though. I have no choice….i really need this job. The hard part is having to get car insurance…money that I don’t want to spend…it sucks.
Last night I got into a screaming match with a pastor. He found no fault in breaking a contract. He didn’t care. He called me out my name and when I challenged him by backing up his lies…he couldn’t. This man released a song instead of waiting as planned. He also said and did some other things to me as well. This man who’s a pastor literally brainwashed himself into thinking he did NOTHING wrong…why even sign the contract in the first place??….what was the point if he was going to do what he wanted to do anyways??…. But I’m so very glad I at least have the signed contract that I presented to him.
I have a new song release out now – but no one knows about it. I never advertised it or notified anyone about it. I guess it’s time to start doing so…it’s the song with the pastor. I just don’t feel like doing anything if it’s not ready.
I am in bed…dirty and naked. Maybe I’m not dirty since I took all my clothes off…but I’m so exhausted. Today I led a class with an assistant today. We did so well. The school gave me a break and we did no work today. It was more like a “free Friday” where the kids get to “take it easy” – except they still have to do school work and follow a routine. With me, I let them truly have a good day…we played games, we watched educational videos, they didn’t have to go to specials(elective classes) and they got TWO recess times. Everything went well without one hiccup.
however, I feel like You are trying to give me a “heads up” that I may not be able to get a long term substitute position without a degree. So when I emailed them asking to be a long term substitute, why didn’t they tell me then that it wouldn’t be a possibility???….because they are using me until they find a replacement, right?
well, I know I’m in the palm of your hand. I know you want me to be happy. I know you wish for me to staying trusting in you, being grateful and not complaining…all of these things I’m working on. I’m even trying to give up weed. The goal is to last only until Friday but secretly I wish to go for the entire month..I want to last next month too…and the following month after that. I just want to do anything and everything to get closer to my dreams. I need your help, Father!
I just paid $300 for my next two voice lessons. It’s crazy how much money I spend…but they have invaluable contacts….they can change my life so quickly if they wanted to. Collen HATES ME THO!! Her husband ADORES ME…he’s 84….why the EFF is Colleen so jealous?!? It’s so strange.
she controls his email and has blocked me so I cannot email him. She controls his phone so he doesn’t know when I’m trying to get a lesson….everything is through her….but Jesus, I know You will work on her heart. I know she will do right by me in the future.
I pray for my dad. I don’t think he has cancer but the tumor must be removed. I think the doctors will say anything to get more money…but a tumor is a tumor and should not be in the body…so regardless-it must be taken out.
I got to pee…one moment.
i should drink more water…crazy thing is most of my water intake happens before bed…which is why i wake up 3-4 times to pee. I forget to drink enough water during the day…but I do ok as long as I buy enough drinking water to last me for the entire week. Thank you Jesus for never letting me struggle.
im writing so much on this app that my phone is down to one percent. Luckily, i was able to charge my phone just in time…and im no longer uncomfortably typing while leaning over the edge of my bed…now that i got an extension cord from titktok. I know im blessed….i may not have much but i have what i need for now…
but i still want a big house. I want a guest houses on my property too. Like 5 guest houses…one for each parent, one for a guest, one for someone I’ll work with almost weekly for music, and one for someone who will come with me everywhere to do things. I’d let Colleen live with me if she wants to…
this woman literally hates me yet I want to take care of her once Tom passes away. Tom is 84…I pray he lives to 94…he’s very tall. Tom is cool. I like Tom a lot. She hates when I do vocal warm ups with him….shes like: do it before you arrive! But I never do vocal warmups on my own…but I’m going to learn how to…because if I make it onto the voice or AGT…..I gotta learn how to do so.
I pray for my scars that Dr. Do left all over my body. I pray they alllllll go away. I pray that you can help me. Heal me.
j pray for favor as I go to all my appointments tomorrow. I pray I get everything turned in a timely manner. Thank you for all of your help in my lifetime so far. I know I need to believe more.
I pray that I can stop smoking weed and that I don’t develop an “overeating” habit. I pray I don’t get restless and frustrated from not smoking. I pray my thoughts won’t lead me to sin. I pray that you heal my relationship with the pastor. I pray everything works itself out…in Jesus name. And Jesus, please ask God to grant me favor for all my auditions. Amen