~ Time

About a month ago I got together with a gal who lost her son a year prior. It had been a year since I had met with her last. I was sharing some things that had helped me and I went on to tell about a woman who lost her daughter and how the daughter was killed. Not much into it the woman gently asked me to stop. She said she didn’t need that vision.
I failed to take into consideration her still raw pain. About a year into the death of my son, I found the grief site and yeah it was rough at times reading people’s stories. So I suppose I should have been more sensitive.
I also gave her the URL to this Diary and she handed it back. She didn’t feel it would be good for her, in her journey….

It makes such a difference. It causes me to forget some feelings of 16 years ago. I know for myself a year later I was still in a Fog.

I was reading a book today about a woman who had multiples and she talked about how when the volunteers came to help that at times she’d hear snippets of things.. *visiting a new restaurant, getting a pedicure, who had cramps that week, a who had a husband who couldn’t pick up after himself. etc… She said, “I became very resentful as I listened to pointless clatter.. at the time it seemed so shallow.” Her had world stopped. “I would often sit with a glazed look in my eyes trying to remember when I actually thought any of those topics worthy of that much discussion.”

I too recall a season when in that 1st year so many of my friends and groups I was involved with talked about Diets and Home Decorating… REALLY? It was always painful for me to listen. At that moment in time I felt only conversations of important things or world changing things were worth discussion. Anything else was so trivial! And come on.. your ticked because your son didn’t clean their room? Get a grip.. at least you still have your son!
Yet there was a day I had those same thoughts of things I did or what was happening in my world. I spoke or complained about those same things. NOW, my world as I knew it had stopped. Their’s had not.

It’s just interesting reading about the loss of two different situations and yet the feelings are similar.. and it could be said for a divorce, or the loss of a job and struggling to retain what little you now have or a wayward child.. etc.

But with everything TIME makes a huge difference.. Take that infraction of 25 years ago.. It seems like a dream and I vaguely recall it. Time has been a healer.

Almost 16 years ago… The boy is a memory of the past. I have my mind and writings and pictures and his things that remind me and yet at the same time it feels like a dream.. although birthing him I recall well! LOL

Nathan is a pleasant memory. I miss him and still tear up now and then, but mostly I just smile when I see his pictures and remember his life and ours together.

The woman I got together with wondered if grief would subside or be just as powerful as it still is for her. I told her in TIME it would lessen. I recall myself feeling that Life would never be good again and it is. I have been known to say after moving here.. “Does life get any better than this?” Meaning that it is awesome!

I am about to embark on a new journey.. I grieve for what I leave behind. The road ahead will be hard in some aspects.. just as grief is.. I know in TIME as in every *move we have done, Life will be good again. It’s just the process to arrival that is difficult and seems in the moment to go on forever.

“I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me”

Log in to write a note
July 2, 2012

This entry is very poignant. I am glad that time has allowed your memories of Nathan to be pleasant. Maybe, in time, the woman who lost her son will want to read your diary and be comforted by it. I think any situation, in which there is a great loss, causes a person to go through the same stages of grief. Please continue to confide in us here at OD as you go through your new journey. I have been reading both your diaries since 2004 and have learned much from you. In fact, this was one of the very first diaries I stumbled upon when I first came here. I wish you the best as you travel the road ahead.

July 3, 2012

Thanks for coming by. First time here. I must say that this diary was unexpected. We are to out live our children. You seem to have a handle on it . So glad you choose to go through this with our Lord. He does strengthen us to handle all adversity. I have a new prayer partner. Praying……