Not the best day

I have been doing so much better lately mentally. I’m really grateful for all the positive things that have been happening lately & i wouldn’t go back for anything now i realised how much of a bad situation i was in. My pain condition though isn’t letting my body cope with & get used to the changes. I am moving around so much more than i have been in years so i know it may take some time for my body to get used to it.

Today though & yesterday i feel really weak in the arms & back & feel really lethargic for some reason. I’ve had this feeling before a few times, i have no idea what’s causing it & neither does my doctor. Probably just another thing my pain disorder is throwing at me.

I am looking after myself much better than i used to. I thought i was doing a pretty good job of looking after myself until these new changes in my life & now i realise i should have been doing better. But i was doing the best i could then while stuck in an awful situation, no will power or desire to do anything, depressed & constantly had anxiety. It was easier to be lazy, adjust & adapt to living in a very bad situation than to face what i was going through with it all.

I’ve also been getting up in the morning with really bad pain in my feet & legs. It’s extremely difficult to walk & i hobble & shuffle along like i’m about to fall over. After about 20 mins, i’m ok but that initial pain is awful. I’m assuming it’s my body not yet used to the extra moving around & carrying a wide load. I did treat myself & buy a massage mat thing that you put on a chair, a foot massager & a foldable foot spa as a treat. I think i deserve it & my body needs it i think sometimes. They are at the post office because the delivery person couldn’t be bothered to knock on my door. I don’t have a car so i’ve had to wait to go & get them. My support worker is taking me to the post office tomorrow to get them.

I also bought a bike pedal exercise thing to help try to lose more weight. I have lost almost 10kg since the beginning of december 22. So the extra moving around & looking after myself better is working. But i don’t like the pedals, it’s not as easy as i thought but if i persist i’ll get used to it.

Another thing i recently realised is how much stuff i was living without that people use every day or often use, things as simple as tea towels, hand towels, bed linen, vacuum, cleaning supplies, kitchen stuff for cooking & eating etc. I’ve had to buy so much stuff it’s ridiculous.

The cats seem to be much happier now that things have settled down & we have a morning routine. I was worrying because they had all lost weight with the stress of the changes & strangers who Charlotte ended up making friends with while the 2 boys stayed hidden. 1 of my boys now growls at visitors before he hides. He never used to do that, i think he got fed up with strangers making noise in & changing his home. It doesn’t matter what time i get up, morning or afternoon 1 of my boys carries on like he’s starving to death even though they have dry food available 24/7. I love it though when they talk. They have more room to run about & can have toys that don’t get lost & never seen again. So the only clutter on my loungeroom/bedroom floor now is cat toys. I’m glad my fur babies are happier though, that alone makes everything all worth it. It’s not that i didn’t look after them before, they just didn’t have as much room, lots of clutter, didn’t have a routine, toys would disappear & never be seen again etc.

Last week for the first time in about 20 or more years i had a friend come visit just to visit. Usually when someone comes to see me they come because they want something. She dropped off the drinking water fountain for the cats & stayed a few hours. I enjoyed it. A few months ago there was no way in hell i would have let someone come inside to visit. She says she’s going to some around often because she wants the boys (cats) to get to know her & not hide from her. She is 1 of only a few friends who knew what i was going through before & knew my housing & living situation. So she was excited to come visit & see what i’ve done with the house. I actually met her online through a facebok group about 4 years ago. She only lives 5 mins away.

My latest dept housing inspection was done over a week early & my new housing officer was very happy with what had been done with the cleaning ladies & what i have accomplished on my own. All the changed downstairs have been done by just myself & i’m so happy that i have been able to accomplish it. A few months ago i couldn’t even imagine or visualise in my head of what i wanted this place to look like or how i was going to add my own personal touches to make it a home. I didn’t think of my house as a home before, i thought of it as a roof over my head, a safe stable food over my head. I hated my place because of the situation i was in. I HATE going upstairs now because it reminds me of how i was living for the past few years. I have added my own personal touches such as a floor rug, house plants, new furniture, my bedding, my crystals & ornaments on display. I am keeping up with & maintaining what has been done. There is still more to be done & i think i need professional help with what there is left as i’m physically unable to clean the walls & i can’t get some marks up off the kitchen floor. I’m surprised that i have kept the house plants alive this long lol. The cats only chew on the palm tree & that plant non toxic to cats, they chew on it it because it’s placed in front of the window for a but of privacy when i have the curtains open between the 2 kitty trees, so chewing on the leaves is apparently irresistible. Only 1 of the plants is toxic to cats & so far nobody has shown any interest in it. I was told when i bought it that it was non toxic to cats, it was only a few days later i found out it is.