An ode to music
I think this is the first time I have actually said it out aloud or written it down. I have a hard time dancing. I knew it was the heartbreak that started it, but something happened when Cort and I started dating. I was so numb. I had a hard time feeling anything. I felt paralyzed. I thought, it was me growing up. I stopped drinking, smoking, all the things I really ever knew. I had no idea who I was left with. Its been almost 6 years since I stopped smoking cigarettes, 5 years since I stopped drinking and smoking. I was in this really weird inbetween for many years after. I think for the first time since 2011, today, music felt deep. it gave me goosebumps. It made me cry. I mourned the lose of a relationship, I knew was long gone. maybe I just need some more music to get through it, to erase the pain, close my eyes and drift away? I don’t care what I felt today when I heard this song. Like the music went through me, instead of passed or around me. I am lucky.
And I know there’s something wrong but I can’t turn the light on
In that split second change when you knew we couldn’t hold on
I realized I lived to love you
Tearing us apart until it’s all gone
The only world I’ve ever known sleeps beneath the waves
But I remember
I can feel you in my heart, just show me the way
I don’t belong here
Alone
Where it’s burned into my mind I die every time
I close my eyes, you’re always there
Tearing us apart until it’s all gone
The only world I’ve ever known sleeps beneath the waves
But I’m the one who’s drowning without your love
I am lost and I can never go back home
We are calling, calling
Nothing left for me ’til I find you because it’s
But I’m the one who’s drowning without your love
I am lost and I can never go back
I, I can never go back home.