80’s love song.

She was lovely.

Did you see her?

She shot across the sky.

The morrigan on fire. Ready to do battle.

But I’m just me, and so she settles for some tea and talking Instead.

Look, if I were fast enough I would catch her. If I was strong enough I would hold her.

You don’t hold back the storm though. You let it pass over you and through you. It is. She is. And she’s fierce and wonderful and good.

If I could I’d take her away. Feed her snacks and keep her up to her gills in books and adventures.

…but we do that already. Our time is now and this is what we have and the times we can slip into one another are sacred.

We are a unit. We evolve and change, become stronger as we walk. We use muscles we’ve never used to do things that we’ve never known.

And sometimes it’s like all these first steps, like a newborn colt. Just shaky, unsteady. Steaming still. Slightly gleaming in the half light of the barn.

When I think of before. I think of holding her In the darkness. We were angels, lovely and brutal.

You drive me crazy sometimes but I fucking dig you. God. Like what the fuck. The irony. I am absolutely smitten with you.

And you are never called into question.

Never worried about worth.

This song I look at you and I start to hum it. And I. I’ve always loved a good Eighties romance. So this song seems like it would be on that kinda sound track.

Our wildest dreams by Justin Hayward.

I know right? But that’s the way it feels sometimes. The 80’s had this wonderful way of creating passionate good finality in the crooning of a 80’s god.

Because I think as I often do, if we had just met sooner. Right? Just more time to quibble and squabble and all the rest of the crazy thing. More time to not make so many mistakes, or maybe to just make the right ones with you.

Do you know I dream of you? I live and breath with you, shop and laugh, and love and yes sometimes I dream with you.

There is really no place in the world that you don’t make me smile.

Something happens. You know? The world shakes and changes less. Less fissures, and so I think that yuh will always be my person. And if you are ever gone, i will still have your voice in my head, worrying, fretting, angry, tearful, wonderful, and lovely. That is one reason. That I am here. And you always have, even now, I hold you hand and I truly believe we can do it together.

But there is, it’s just going to be a lot complaining. It’s ok, but you know, just know.

But I feel like then…that has to be real. You know? Like if you were ever looking for real, you’d look for the less likely. Like ok the Last crusade, and Indiana Jones’s dad is like chuckling because everyone’s thinks Jesus’s Grail should be this fancy ornate thing but Jesus was just a simple little carpenter.

So it would just look like this simple thing that has the power to change the world.

My world. You change my world. You matter, I’m listening, you are important. You are mine. And I am yours and I’ll repeat it as much as you need but I really just want this wonderful known lovely sensual lustful fun funny making me laugh so hard making you laugh cuddling and feeling safe to love and lust to listening to you sleep and see how important it is to be the best version of you. Of me. Of us.

I’ll love in every time period you exist. The ritual and wish, this and these. It is nice to sit in silence with you sometime, to be content that the world can fuck off for a bit while we sit languid and tawdry, running fingers across skin in the coolness of our embrace. Thank god for goats milk and petroleum jelly. Thank god for bath and body works triple shea butter extravaganza and the most wonderful thing is I see us constantly flirting between all these wonderful time periods. Can’t even stop it anymore. Maybe that is what being alone conscience really is, being valued. Is that that person exist everywhere with you.  You live everywhere. Oh man I want you to see everything and I want your reactions and happiness to all of it. I need your face, your smile, your frown, your eyes. You you you. I love it. Simply the best. Dumb song. See. All the time lately.

 

you are mine.  You are my favorite 80’s love song. I wish I had heard you sooner on the radio is all. 

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January 22, 2024

This was so sweet honey.