let go.

It’s been so long, i’m a novice to the keyboards. sometimes i feel like my lack of ambition to write is some sort of betrayal to who I am, whatever that means, whatever that is.
I am becoming a new person everyday. Every morning I wake up from a long, sleepless night a new woman. I have been suprising myself with my actions, my thoughts, my lack of emotions, my excess of emotions often.
What I can say for sure is that i understand what i means to be heart broken, or more exactly, broken.
I can also say that know for sure that there is nothing that can be known for sure. The universe has brought to my attention, quite abruptly, that that the path of life only moves ahead into the unknown and the unpredictable. I was a person that found comfort in predictability, and in my personal growth, the predictibilty is beginning to fade and the tomorrows are becomming more and more of a shock.   
These past couple of years have given me more wisdom that I would of hoped to attain in a lifetime. When I think about these couple years, I laugh, because I think of joseph campbell’s journey of the hero. I don’t think that I am a hero in a universal sense, but of my personal life. Perhaps of my own understanding, enlightenment.
I have always felt a connection to what is beyond what we know. I believe this has drawn me to animals, especially equine, who are a much closer connection to God, to the universe, than us as humans will ever understand. There is also the calling to "adventure"/"enlightenment" that has been of these (what i know of as) life-altering years of my life.  In my reading, my being introduced to influential music, and and my personal experiences,  I’ve interpreted the message as a calling- there is so much more than this. Something so much greater.
Throughout this journey are all sorts of trials and barriers. For me this symbolizes my life. Decisions I make, people I meet, how i react to situations. Foremost: victim conciousness. I have lived many years as a victim. things happen to me, people are mean to me, poor me, poor me. There is no truth to any of that. It is a conciousness we choose to live in. Overcomming this way of thinking has taken my whole life so far and still can continue to be a struggle.
And then according to joeseph campbell, there is the presence of a spiritual guide, to help the hero along his journey.
For me this person came into my life in the most intense way I could ever imagine. I met him one night and from then on I was a different person. He was my best friend, my closest companion, my lover, my teacher, and my spiritual guide. He broke my heart, and is continuing to challenge my confidence and faith, but I will forever feel blessed. His presence in my life forever changed me.
For the next part of my journety, I am headed off to the Czech Republic alone. I will be living in Prague for four months to study at Charles University. I am excited and terrified……