Recent Entries

• Non Provocative Title

  November 10, 2023

  Part of the problem of not writing in a long time is that you feel full, to bursting, of things you want to talk about, to the point where it seems too difficult to sit down and push things out, because, much like being constipated, although you are loaded with shit that needs to come out,…

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• Drunk

  September 30, 2023

    It’s been a while since I could write that in a journal entry. I’ve been, with the exception of a scant few outings with friends over the past couple of years, where I’ve thrown a few glasses of wine down, looking at J, trying to decide if she can tell I’m trying to get…

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• Perma Science Baby

  September 18, 2023

    I told my therapist on Friday I am waiting for relief that never comes. He asked what I meant. I said, I work at my job, I finish a project, and instantly I have another.  Space on my plate instantly gets filled with another distasteful vegetable. I work on my marriage at home -- my…

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• Science Baby 12 and A Death in the Family

  September 5, 2023

    J and I have been trying for a kid using IVF (and constantly failing at it) while my Aunt Eva has been in hospice. Yesterday Eva died. Lost consciousness on Saturday, passed Monday. In the midst of life, we are in death, my mom would say when I was growing up and someone in…

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• Science Baby 11

  August 31, 2023

    J will be home in twenty minutes and I’ve finally gotten my work tasks into a decent state and I can write for a bit before I head off to caretake her and begin again the endless nights of support, of don’t worry sweetie you are perfectly normal, of I love you so much,…

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• Post-Therapy

  August 25, 2023

    J didn't go to work today.  She woke up early, 6AM, showered, and went to the doctor to get bloodwork done.  She's pregnant but a certain hormone level is lower than it should be and the clinic is running a test to see if it's coming up.  She got home at 8, said she's…

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• Breathing Room

  August 24, 2023

      J gets home from work yesterday and asks me about the bee sting.  I went out at noon for a walk and half a block away from my house I felt something hit me under my left eye, so hard I thought it was a pebble.  Instinctively I closed my eyes, grabbed at…

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• Science Baby 10, My Sick Mother

  August 22, 2023

  Today is a day I should be happy but I am not. Yesterday J took a pregnancy test.  She wasn't supposed to.  We were supposed to wait until tomorrow, as per instructions from the clinic. (i don't want to write about this i don't want to you need to you need to says my inner voice) During the…

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• Pre-Therapy

  August 18, 2023

  Suppressing the urge to do work.  I can already feel the obligations and tasks press in on me.  Open a ticket with vendor to work on problem X.  Send updates to management on project Y -- I was unable to do this yesterday.  Investigate high availability with Multi Factor Authentication in our Shi...

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