31. Still trying to figure out where my place in the world is. Searching for a love that a lot of people don't believe/chose not to believe in anymore.
My entries will be about anything my heart can no longer accommodate or thoughts my mind will always choose to remember. An outlet for those unspoken words, hidden feelings and everything that's better left to unknown for some people in my life.

Latest Entry

024: It still hurts

June 11, 2024
It still hurts. It’s been seven months but it still hurts. A year ago today when we first said hello. I can still picture his smile like it was just yesterday. When will this end? When is my mind gonna stop having a glimpse of the past I shared with him? When is my heart…
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Recent Entries

  • 023: Discarded
    May 16, 2024
    ‘Narcissistic discard.’ I’ve come across the term in one of my late night scrolls, those times when I was still trying to understand what happened. We were fine and suddenly I was left hanging. No clue if there was something I did wrong. Nothing. I wasn’t ghosted, but I was lied to. I couldn’t fi...
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  • 022: Just another heartbreak 2
    May 14, 2024
    When I found out that he's not really divorced, I knew I had to stop seeing him. I knew that at some point that what we have will have to end. That if not him, it's me that has to let go. Because I know what I want and I know what I've been praying…
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  • 021: Just another heartbreak 1
    May 13, 2024
    I've been thinking of writing an entry since late last year but I had problems with the VPN app I was using to be able to access the site. Now, I am using a different one and hope it won't have the same problem as the one before cause it'll again be a waste of…
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  • 020: I wish
    February 14, 2023
    I guess it is hurts day for me today. I am still finding it hard to believe that he’s gone. I was somehow hoping his mom would say that it wasn’t him, but she didn’t. She confirmed it to me this morning that everything was real and that J is gone. If I am feeling…
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  • 019: The First, he’s gone too soon.
    February 13, 2023
    I recently got a message from a stranger asking for help to find the family of a guy I met few years ago, J. This guy was my first and I remember writing about in my 001 entry. I never hated him although I hated the feeling after I did it. As I said it…
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  • 18: Blue – Part 2
    January 31, 2023
    So yes, we met again and I gave in.  We met a few times more then I realized something is not right but it felt right for me. We only see each other when we want to have fun , and you know what I mean. I never even bothered trying to get to know…
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  • 017: Blue
    December 13, 2022
    How do I start this? I met Blue through a dating app right on the 2nd day since I moved here on the island. It’s the first time since 2019 that I decided to use the app again and meet a guy. I never really used it back home for the fear that people who…
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  • 016: He’s married.
    December 12, 2022
    Okay. Let me take you back to four months ago, which is 2 months after that guy (let’s call him Blue which I’ll talk about in another entry) blocked me. It’s crazy, I know. I decided to use that dating app again and came across this new guy (we’ll call him Andy). Andy was funny…
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  • 015: Two months
    December 12, 2022
    Two months. It’s been two months since I left my home country to venture on this new life.  I have finally made new friends and I feel that we have the same vibe. They are so fun to be with and I always enjoy being with them. Although I can’t deny the fact that I…
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