Recent Entries

• Gullible

  June 8, 2022

  I think I just thought I'd eventually get it. Like, all my questioning would lead me to Christ or some shit. I used to keep journals... just me philosophizing. But then I'd go to church with him, no push back on my part. Even sought it out again years later with M. It's a miracle…

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• Rusty

  May 29, 2022

  I don't know why I let pieces of me go for so long. Two days in a row I got up and exercised, no junk food. And picked up the guitar again. Got all sorts of song ideas running through my veins rn. But alas, I am so rusty! Why oh why did I let…

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• Messages

  May 25, 2022

  He just keeps messaging me. And I don't know if he is just trying to still be in my life, or if he doesn't remember the texts we sent where we broke up. Me: I have to walk away Him: (some bullshit) Yeah, we need some time apart. Me: Okay Like, does he not remember…

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• Death

  May 24, 2022

  I don't know when his mom will pass. Yesterday I learned that an old friend's little brother passed. And then my daughter's friend's grandmother. And then today I learned my co teacher's husband's cancer came back. I mean, it's not my focus, I'm having a decent day. But jfc, death is everywhere r...

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• Apologies

  May 23, 2022

  I keep waiting for apologies that will never come. I realize that an addict's mind is just... well it just doesn't remember things right. He doesn't even understand what I'm so upset about. I don't even think he remembers the conversation we had about breaking up. So I'm just... ignoring him, bec...

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