I am a 35 year old new mother and wife. I am a survivor of child abuse and neglect. I'll be using this diary to help me put the pieces back together from my past, to explore memories that I've tried to keep buried, but also to celebrate the beautiful life I now have.

Latest Entry

I’m changing

March 24, 2023
Something is happening to me. I know I’ve been saying this for a while, but I think I’m finally starting to figure it out. I’ve grown a tremendous amount in a short period of time, and… how do I explain this… I’m starting to feel my brain again. I’ve been in a group chat with…
Continue Reading...

Recent Entries

  • Exploring unwanted thoughts
    March 17, 2023
    In my last entry I allowed myself to acknowledge and explore a plethora of unwanted thoughts that were stuck in my head. Every time I allow myself to do that (it's only been twice) it's so scary! I'm ashamed of what I'm thinking. I'm mad at myself that I can't control it. I mentioned before…
    Continue Reading...
  • Something is happening to me
    March 14, 2023
    Something is happening to me. Though I'm not sure if it's always been happening to me. I feel so confused every day. I feel confused about being confused. Some days life is beautiful and it all make sense. And some days it's like this... black. gray. dead. Something is happening to me. I think th...
    Continue Reading...
  • Maybe I should hate you for this
    March 3, 2023
    Wow. Remember Taking Back Sunday? Do you, though? I sure do. I saw a meme on instagram that showed a bar setup with the words "I just wanna break you down so badly." If there was ever a meme for a 36 year old woman who was an emo kid who grew up to be…
    Continue Reading...
  • The Flashbacks
    March 1, 2023
    The Flashbacks are strong today. Michael left a few hours ago for work and I've already caught myself staring off into space 3 or 4 times. One was so bad I actually put the baby in the high chair, buckled him in, and then just sat there for several minutes before he caught my attention.…
    Continue Reading...
  • Sometimes I feel like a ghost
    March 1, 2023
    Sometimes I feel like a ghost. It’s almost impossible to describe. I feel unimportant and small. I feel discarded and shoved aside. I feel like I used to matter but I don’t anymore. I guess maybe it has to do with a sort of ego death? I’m not even sure what that means, but… my…
    Continue Reading...
  • Petunia, one of the ducks you love
    February 27, 2023
    Hello! Well I just thought I would check in. I don't have much to say today. My husband has been super sick the last week and now I've got it too. But it's okay! Michael and I are working together really well. The baby has been coughing and sneezing all day so I fully expect…
    Continue Reading...
  • The Inner Children
    February 20, 2023
    Okay, so I don't know anything about inner child work. I hear about it constantly. But from what little I understand, there's more than just "the inner child" but it's actually inner children, aka different versions of yourself from your development that had different needs. I'm very excited to u...
    Continue Reading...
  • Toy Story 2 and the Vulnerable Narcissist
    February 19, 2023
    I just watched Toy Story 2 with my son and I was really taken back by the Prospector. The Prospector is the villain of the story, but, as with all covert narcissists, you don't know until the very end. You don't realize until it's too late. The covert narcissist disguises themselves until there's...
    Continue Reading...
  • Birthday “Galentine’s” Adventure to WeHo
    February 17, 2023
    Soooo it's my birthday! Or was. Or is? I guess technically it ended 5 hours ago. I never know when to say my birthday is. I used to say it was the day after Valentine's Day, the 15th. The 15th is in fact my real birthday. However, on my birth certificate it says my birthday…
    Continue Reading...

Search Entries

  • Use dropdowns or search terms above to find entries.