There’s Something About Mary

  After finally conceding that pursuing George was a dead end. Mary set her eyes on me. Somehow she found a way to hang out with all of us on a Friday night, which ended up being one of those really late nights. I ended up being the one to drive her home. She had given me a sob story about how lonely it was at her house when she went home. She was renting a room from a middle-aged divorcee nurse that worked nights. Mary didn’t own her own TV and only had a single radio in her room. . She asked me if I wanted to come in for a little bit, but I was really tired and had work in the morning. She begged, so I agreed to go inside for a little bit.

  Once inside, we sat on a couch. I was extremely uncomfortable sitting there and wanted to leave immediately. She begged me to please stay and asked if I wanted a drink, I said fine and she went off to get me a soda. When she got back she was dressed in satin maroon pajamas and sat next to me as she handed me a soda. I remember thinking how awkward and cliché this whole thing was. Suddenly she shifts herself and lays across my lap. I was ready to leave but was starting to find this comically funny. She asked if this was okay, and I said “Yeah, whatever” because to me, this is going to make a great story. I’m sure if she wasn’t as attractive as she was I would not have said it was okay, but who knows. Finally she says, “I’m soooooo horny.” I almost spit out the sip of soda I had in my mouth and she immediately saw a negative reaction in my face because she quickly added  “… but not for you.”

 I said good, I gotta get going anyway. Again, she begged me to stay. I lasted another few minutes until she moaned that she didn’t know why, but she was starting to get wet. I immediately stood up knocking her to the floor. She kept apologizing, but I insisted on leaving. Honestly, I didn’t trust myself to resist much longer. Matt had been referring to me as “a self-righteous son-of-a-bitch” as of late, because I was able to tease others about their indiscretions, so I had a reputation to uphold. I avoided temptation.

The next night we were going to C.P.I.’s and Mary wanted to go with us Somehow we allowed it. The band playing that night wasn’t anyone I cared to see so I spent most of the time dancing with strange girls in the 80’s room or the Disco room. Every so often, Mary would find me and try to bump ‘n grind on me big time. . Mark seemed actually annoyed at the whole spectacle while Priscilla just kept mouthing “Oh my god” to me whenever Mary wasn’t looking. It was embarrassing. During one of my breaks I was sitting with everyone on the terrace and Matt started making comments. Someone’s getting some tonight. I told him it was not going to happen. He then gave me a condom and said you’d better take this anyway, just in case. I did, but told him I wouldn’t be needing it.

 After C.P.I. I drove everyone home and when I dropped off Mary, she begged me to come inside. I was beyond exhausted as I had only slept about 10 hours in the last three days, but she pleaded. I agreed. We sat on the couch and this time she came out with an even sexier outfit. Again I went to leave. She begged me to stay longer and said we could listen to the Beatles in her room. I agreed and we sat on her bed to listen to the radio. I made the mistake of laying back because I think I fell asleep before the end of the first song.

  When I woke up, she was naked from the waist down riding me. My feet were still on the floor, shoes on and my jeans were around my ankles. “What the hell?” was the first thing to come out of my mouth. She asked if it felt good. And I replied with “You’re raping me?”

  She fell over like a tree. Almost comically. Then she started to cry. Maybe it was sleep deprivation or the fact I had a huge erection, but I felt bad for her. I reasoned that I couldn’t be a self-righteous son-of-a bitch forever and allowed the sex to continue in a couple of different positions. She was a moaner and I liked that. I really doubted I was any good at it. I was out of practice and overly tired, but she seemed to love it.

  Shortly after, I left. By then it was around 5 in the morning and I really needed some sleep. By the time I got home the phone rang. It was Mary. She told me she was just kicked out of her place. I asked her why. And she said it was because she was warned before not to bring strange men into the house. I was angry. She was warned and made me come in anyway? She wanted me to come pick her up. And I told her I couldn’t. I was still borrowing my father’s car and wouldn’t be able to use it all morning on top of that I had work in a few hours.

  She ended up calling George, who ended up picking her up and everything this girl owned in his Camaro. After picking her up, he went to a payphone to find someone to take this girl off his hands.  He found Matt who told him he could drop her off at his Aunt’s condo that he house sat over the summer. Unfortunately, George left his wallet on top of the payphone, with the money from his latest paycheck haven been cashed. He refused to acknowledge Mary’s existence again.

 After driving around with everything Mary owned all weekend, I told George she could keep her stuff in my Nova that now sat stationary in my driveway for months. That night, we were all at my house thinking of where she could stay. One by one everyone left, leaving her behind. She ended up spending the night in our basement, mostly to the shock of my parents when they saw her first thing in the morning. I told my parent’s it wasn’t my fault she stayed and explained how it happened.  

They responded by immediately banning all of my friends from the house until further notice to prevent this from happening again. I informed her we had to leave and she asked if they didn’t like her because “we bumped uglies” while she openly stripped out of her clothes and changed in front of me. I said “no, but if they came downstairs at this moment, I’d be killed.” Damn, if she didn’t have a smokin’ little body, I wouldn’t be responsible for any of this… She ended up staying at everyone’s house for a night or two for the next couple of weeks, overstaying her welcome everywhere. Two days at Erin’s, One night at Matt’s. Another two day’s at Priscilla’s. She tagged along with everyone, and was handed off like a hot potato.

  At work, when we talked, she told me how everything in her life sucked right now except for me. I told her she didn’t have me. I wanted no part of this train wreck. . Damn the fact that she was living out of my car and was using a hat box as a piece of luggage. I honestly remember thinking during this conversation that ‘suicide is never the answer, but for her, don’t rule out this option.’ There was so much not going for this girl.

  A few nights later she was working till close and she called me at home and asked me where I was. “Is this a trick question? You called me at home and I answered.”  She told me she needed to talk to me and asked if I could pick her up. I told her I couldn’t use my parent’s car and then she said she’d walk. It’s only 3 miles or so and she needed stuff out of the car to wear for work tomorrow. And she did. Because of the no friends allowed in the house rule I met her out front and walked with her to a nearby diner. The conversation started with her confessing her love for me, and she would serenade me. Each time I told her it wasn’t going to work out the songs got worse. It went from singing “My Guy” to me to singing almost the entire Alanis Morrisette album (which was big at this time) at me. Over dinner, I finally convinced her that I couldn’t date her because I was in love with another girl. She accepted that. By the time we walked back to my house, I said the car was available and I could take her to wherever she was staying. She gave me directions that almost seemed to be going in circles until we stopped at a park. She then said how about sex one last time for old time’s sake? She stripped down to her bra and panties and ran into the park. I grabbed her clothes and chased after her to put them on. I told her that sex was off the table and to get back in the car. She didn’t listen and stripped naked. In the end she wouldn’t get back in the car unless we both “got off” She gave me a blow job and I fingered her while she was on all fours right there in the middle of the field in the park. It was so wrong and dirty, but such a turn on.

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