battles everyday.

I feel like everytime I come on this site there is going to be a blinking red box that screams TRAITOR because I made a MySpace. Although I do not love, nor find comfort in it as I had in my many years of Open Diary, I still spend the small amount of time that I am on the internet looking at stupid profiles of people that I said I never wanted to see again. (and I still don’t).
But when I need a blank page, I come here. When I need to relieve the thoughts weighing down my mind, this is the only place it goes.
This isn’t supposed to be an I Love Open Diary entry.
It’s supposed to be a I am about to be 20 in a few days and I don’t care, or know what I am doing, and when did birthdays become more of an indifferent feeling than an oh-my-god-it’s my birthday kind of a feeling kind of an entry. An I am feeling kind of alone because I spend my days surronded by people who make me feel uncomfortable and inadequate, and most days I can hardly walk by the end of the day, just to come home and not do much of anything kind of an entry.
An entry that explains how I care about the stupid little things instead of the really big things,but I am alone now, and that is what I wanted, and really it is a lot more comfortable sleeping at night, but sometimes I want to be held, and some country songs make me cry out of no where because I can always put myself in their shoes.
I’d never say any of this on MySpace.
Perhaps I am not a traitor after all.