I love him so much

I love him with all my heart!! and I don’t know what to do. And it fuckin hurts!! Love shouldn’t be pain.

I txt’d him and then I blocked him because I was scared of his response. Scared that he would gaslight me into thinking that I’m the bad guy. I’m the bad guy for his lying and cheating but when I hold him accountable I’m the bad guy! Mr. Narcissist – he doesn’t negotiate with therapists. He negociates only with his delusions. And right now they’re telling him that he deserves his shiny new toys (women). I wonder if me writing how much I miss him would turn on his ego that he would play along. Even if for a lil bit. But that’s the price I”m willing to pay to be in his arms again before he discards me. Sad. But it’s more sad to be without him- to be with this pain in my chest daily. It’s been a month now and it’s not getting any better. I can’t hold on any longer. I will burst.

to be continued….

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May 7, 2022

you don’t love him. You are trauma-bonded to him. Get some help. Like therapy.

May 7, 2022

@journalsecret – I did trauma therapy for 2 years- EMDR, IFS, Somatic therapy- and Im still addicted to this person – to his validation and making him happy – I know it’s sad

May 7, 2022

@bubblegum220 it takes time to heal. I took about 12 years of inner work. Some people take 5 or 6 yrs before they feel healed.

You will get there.