I love him so much

I love him with all my heart!! and I don’t know what to do. And it fuckin hurts!! Love shouldn’t be pain.

I txt’d him and then I blocked him because I was scared of his response. Scared that he would gaslight me into thinking that I’m the bad guy. I’m the bad guy for his lying and cheating but when I hold him accountable I’m the bad guy! Mr. Narcissist – he doesn’t negotiate with therapists. He negociates only with his delusions. And right now they’re telling him that he deserves his shiny new toys (women). I wonder if me writing how much I miss him would turn on his ego that he would play along. Even if for a lil bit. But that’s the price I”m willing to pay to be in his arms again before he discards me. Sad. But it’s more sad to be without him- to be with this pain in my chest daily. It’s been a month now and it’s not getting any better. I can’t hold on any longer. I will burst.

to be continued….