01/13/2014

I liked ProseBox. I like how I could sort my stuff in to separate books. I was starting to find some good people to communicate with. Then Ashleigh bin Field shows up. I take the bait and get played. Called out in an entry. I wanted a war. Then, I thought about it. Did I really want to deal with this? Did I want to be part of a community in with this person was a member? Did I want to stalked and harassed by this person? The answer is no. I didn’t want to be there anymore. I don’t even want to be here anymore, but I think I should tell my last tale. I was hoping that I could use ProseBox to share my fiction, but no one seemed to care. No one ever seems to care about my stories. If I do get someone who enjoys them, they’re either flaky or crazy. I write for myself but I want to share it with people. When I would mention stuff about my fiction, I got no response. It’s a slap in the face and a sign that no one gives a shit. If no one gives a shit, then I’ll just stop sharing. Sure, people liked hearing what I had to say about life. God knows why. I’m boring. I really, really am.

Having Whitney cancel on me for the fourth time in five weeks is the final straw for me and people right now. I really needed a friend. I needed to talk with someone. I’ve driven away a lot of my friends because of my accident. I was in too much pain and still grieving from my grandfather’s death to really deal with people. I suppose that makes me a terrible person. Of course, no one I know is asking me how I’m doing. Whenever bad shit happens to me, I try to reach out to people. Only to get told that they’re busy. I can’t trust people anymore. I’ve been burned too many times. I feel rejected and alone. I once wrote something about how I wish people would call me and a friend of mine chewed me out, saying it was a two-way street and I should call people instead. I just lost my aunt. I know Whitney is going to mention it to people. They won’t call. They won’t email. It’s pointless to expect people to do that for me. I’m just a terrible person.

I wish I could deal with people better. I’m surprising good at communicating with people but I always keep my distance. I can’t help it. Just look what happens with the one person I try and do stuff with. They cancel. I’m sure they’re not lying to me, but it doesn’t help me feel any better about it. I just want to be a minor priority to my friends. When shit happens to them, I always tell them to let me know if they need anything.

I really should call someone right now. Someone who can come over and maybe just watch a movie. I should email my friend and explain how I feel. But, it’s not worth the effort. If people expend zero effort on me, I shall expend the same amount on them. It’s only fair.

So, I’m done. I’m afraid Ashleigh bin Field will stalk me here. Well, whoever the PB version of her is. They said they weren’t the real one. I don’t care, they’re still a massive cunt.

I out. Goodbye, so long and good luck. I think I’m going to delete this account when the OD+ expires. No one cares. I should just be alone. I’ll survive. I always do.