If you could stop one human emotion from existing, which one would it be? I have thought about this question for about 24 hours now and as usual I will go with my first gut response, which was Jealousy. Jealousy is really an emotion that protrudes off the branch of Fear. I hesitate to say that Fear itself should no longer exist because Fear is a huge branch that has many limbs which cling to it, each of which are inextricably linked to our experience of being human. Fear, while truly a devastating force if left unchecked, can also act as a powerful motivating catalyst for positive change. Example: you fear the possibility of living an empty life, so you take action to create meaning in your life. Not to say that you should allow Fear to dictate your life intentions, but you see what I mean. Jealousy, however, really is a dead end street.
Jealousy is an emotion which I have grappled with (as much as I do not wish to admit it because it would feel so much better to say I am wellspring of unflappable confidence). Being a woman under the never ending assault of images depicting ideal body image, hair image, face image, cuticle image, (etc.), I have dealt with my fair share of moments where I gazed upon another woman with envy. The voice of Envy is a snarl, a witch’s whisper that slowly describes all the immaculate attributes someone else has while simultaneously reminding you of your numerous failings, physical or otherwise. Envy/Jealousy are self-destructive in the worst way because they completely detach you from who you are. Jealousy dismantles self-love and self-appreciation. Instead of focusing our energy on all our positive aspects, we gaze with green eyes of envy upon the beatific, successful specimens around us.
Not only does Jealousy prevent us from appreciating our own beauty and success but it stops us from appreciating the source of our Envy. When we see someone who possess the power, success, health, beauty, etc. we desire, the most powerful thing we could do is to genuinely bask in the existence of those qualities. Law of Attraction baby! What you put your focus on grows. If you spend your energy celebrating and being joyous about those qualities, they will begin to manifest for you, one way or another.
Allowing Jealousy is control your response to prosperity in others however is a recipe for disaster because Jealousy is a greedy son of a bitch. When it sees something it wants, it would do anything for it. I myself have even been guilty of saying the phrase, “I’d kill for her hair.” Really Jealousy? You would push me to the brink of murder just for some lustrous locks? Yikes. Jealousy believes it’s only means of acquiring what it wants is to rob it from someone else, but there is no amount of theft or killing you could commit to be anyone other than who you are. “I want that”, says Jealousy. Wanting itself is fine because the desire to achieve things and improve ourselves is the driving force of existence. It’s why people strive and set goals and learn, because we Want. However, the wanting of Jealousy is whiny and childish. It cries and pouts until it is given what it wants instead of working for it. Jealousy is a spoiled child who believes if it tantrums loud enough it will (by some kind of black magic osmosis) obtain all it yearns for. “She has that, I want that” says Jealousy, the child that it is.
If Jealousy no longer existed the insidious phenomenon of young girls being “influenced” on Instagram and other social media platforms would slow down, maybe even come to a halt. Rampant cases of damaged self-confidence are a result of Jealousy. She has that, I don’t. She looks like that, I don’t. If Jealousy didn’t exist to compare our reality to someone else’s phony constructed social media presence the world would be a different, better pace. There is nothing wrong with noticing someone’s beauty, beauty is alluring. After arm wrestling with debilitating Jealousy for years, I have gotten to the point where I can look at a beautiful woman and instead of comparing myself against her limb by limb I just gaze at everything about her I find appealing and think, “Wow, aren’t you a masterpiece of creation! You’re lovey. Good for you. I have nice eyes, that’s my thing in this life.” (or some similar thought that comes from a place of appreciation). You are better off absolutely adoring one thing about yourself than envying the entire body and character of someone else.
Besides, you never really know what you are looking at, who you are looking at, if it is really as it seems. Someone could be a pristine Goddess of physical perfection but have a horrid personality. Would you trade your bomb charisma for her slender form? Someone could have all the money you could ever want but have hideous relationships and trashy emotional coping skills. Would you trade your cherished family and community life for some cash? If we all sat around a table with those we Envy and talked about our lives, really talked about them, we wound find there is something each one of us has that someone else desires or is “jealous” of because we are all here to learn and grow together. We are here to inspire and challenge one another. I could continue to unravel my thoughts and opinions about Jealousy/Envy and how it is so prevalent in our world and just how destructive it is (and how positive it could be if we flipped it on its head) but I will leave this here for now. Love yo’self people!