Saying no and goodbye

So considering I only made it to day two before I forgot to write and then promptly gave up, I think it’s pretty safe to say that the ‘entry a day for 30 days’ challenge was a complete failure…however ‘failure’ seems to be the theme at this particular time in my life so can’t really be surprised.

Angus ended up coming over last night after he’d spent the last couple of days whining to me about how his girlfriend is making their relationship so challenging, and how his life was so difficult at the moment because he’d moved in with this girl and was instantly regretting it (because he’s an idiot and makes rash decisions before really thinking about how they might actually turn out). He was originally at a party but messaged me at about 10pm saying he was leaving early and would like to come over, to which I said fine but there would be no butt touching, kissing, heavy breathing etc. under any circumstances. He laughed that off and said of course not, he just needed to talk with a friend, and because I’m such an A Class friend, I said come on over pal. Really, I should’ve just said no and continued on with my usual Friday night ritual of watching sad movies and stalking famous people on Instagram but you live and you learn, I guess!

He arrived, lay down on my bed and thus began the Angus Pity Party. It was all ‘My life is so hard,’ and, ‘You just wouldn’t understand,’ and me just lying beside him rolling my eyes because I understand perfectly well, I think. Basically, he’s a wanker who got into a relationship and moved in together way too soon with a girl who he ‘loves,’ but he also can’t stop thinking about me and wants to be with me too. But hello, fuckwit, you can’t have both; that’s not how it works you greedy bastard. Which is pretty much what I said to him but in much nicer words than he deserved, in hindsight. So he rambled on about all that junk which I’ve heard a thousand times by now, scoffing at me when I suggested he just break up with his girlfriend…just to be clear, I didn’t suggest that in the hopes that he would then date me and it would all turn out lovely: I suggested it because he can’t actually seem to stand this poor girl and I’m sick of the whinging, to be quite frank.

The night ended with him pleading me for sex, me very resolutely saying ‘No,’ him getting frustrated because he couldn’t understand why I possibly wouldn’t want to have sex with him (‘you have a girlfriend’ was apparently not a valid reason…). Then he got pushier and pushier, leaning over me and putting his hands on me which had me freaking out a little bit. I knew he was a whiny dickhead sometimes, but I really didn’t think he’d ever behave like that and it had me feeling so uncomfortable and I knew he could tell that I was uncomfortable but he kept pushing it. By this point, I was quite strongly saying no over and over, but in his tiny male pea brain he thought that if he just kept saying ‘please’ my weak lady brain would eventually be like, ‘OK, have your way with me, you gorgeous hunk!’ I physically had to push him off me before he got the point that hey, maybe I didn’t want to bang him after all. He left pretty quickly after that, thank god, and not even five minutes after he’d left I got a message from him saying something along the lines of, “I don’t think we should talk anymore, it’s too hard because all I think about is being with you.” So I said bye bitch and deleted and blocked him from absolutely everything, instantly cutting all ties with him. I knew that if I didn’t, he’d be back talking to me the next day like everything was fine and dandy again, and I just didn’t want to do that.

To be honest, I thought I’d be a lot more upset about it than I actually am.We did date once upon a time, and we actually got along very well for a while there but the whole relationship turned toxic these last few months and I am glad to just be done with it. At the end of the day, he was selfish and greedy, and hurting people he supposedly cared about, and he definitely didn’t deserve my friendship. It’s disturbing how clueless and guilt-free he is about all the things he’s doing wrong; he honestly thought he could have a girlfriend and a fuck buddy, and that it would all be okay as long as his girlfriend never found out about it. I never really thought about it until now, but how incredibly messed up is that?!

Anyway, that’s that, and I’m actually feeling really bloody good about finally cutting him off. I guess I knew that he wasn’t any good but didn’t want to be the one to ruin the friendship but am beyond glad I did. I messaged one of my close friends about it this afternoon because she’s been there through it all and her response was, “I appreciate this so much. Fucking love when women become bloody strong independent bitches! Makes my bloody day!” (She’s from the country, they say ‘bloody’ a lot.) So that was the final validation I needed to know that I 100% did the right thing.

A much lighter,

Ashleigh