Smiles and pride

Does she know me better

than i kno myself?

Is everything I ever believed

a blatant lie.

It seems I know nothing,

about myself

or my feelings.

Why else would she

stare at me

with those accusing eyes.

What if the unconscious

is really king?

Both the subconscious

and the unconcious

are out of my control.

It seems.

Is self control beyond my grasp?

Is self control a negative?

I just want to know-

whether i deserve

to meet my gaze

in the mirror,

To meet friends gazes

and smile without conceit

without design and intention,

just a smile

just a smile.

If I don’t know my own head

then how can I kno anything else?

If I don’t know myself,

if others know me

better than I know myself.

My terrible pride

rears its ugly head,

pride and ego

ego loves pride

traits both ugly 

in someone as

weak as me,