Shaking Off the Dust

I’m struck, after reading old entries from 14 to 20 years ago, how similarly I feel about certain things. Or how I seem to be in the same place as I was then. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.  It indicates that I’ve made no progress but it could also mean that what I thought about my life, and life in general, was largely correct. At least, for me. Maybe you don’t change much as you progress through life as much as I thought one would.

Sure my 20something self was brash, overconfident, egotistical but also insightful …much more so than I feel I am now. But I was much more willing to look, and delve into,. aspects of my emotions then than I am now. Life has a way of wearing you down, changing your priorities (even if you don’t want them to) and making you focus on priorities that don’t serve a life well lived. I simply don’t care about every little aspect of how I think/feel about a certain issue in my life. When events happen, I roll with it just to get to the next thing. Introspection takes a back seat to just fucking trying to survive.

But, I’m glad this place exists. I’m going to try to relearn how to be expressive, how to be honest, how to not be afraid because if I can do that here, hopefully that can spill into my relationships with people. I feel like I’m missing some kind of ability to connect so maybe this place can help. ‘Cause it did once. Immensely.

Speaking of,  years ago I was fortunate to connect with a lot of different people through the comments and rereading them has made miss a ton of them who I was quite close to. I had forgotten how important the comments section was to this site. I’m not sure what it’s like now but hopefully some of those people are still here and I can catch up. And for those who aren’t, I hope they’re exactly where they’re supposed to be.