What’s With You People Breaking Up?
I am now a free-monger, ads and all. I didn’t even notice that my subscription ran out. I mean, besides all the notifications I got.
Anyway, a lot of people in my world seem to be breaking up. That’s sad. I never know what to say to people who want advice on how to handle it or what their next move should be. I usually say that they should get laid as soon as possible but, oddly enough, it doesn’t go over very well sometimes, even though that actually does work. Recently I’ve chosen just to be the shoulder or the ear…works best I find. I understand how difficult it is to readjust after ending a relationship though, and I think everyone can to some extent. It’s odd how helpless one can feel, especially if it was a long-term relationship, and how surreal it is when you finally realize how over it is. What I think is really cool, though, is how, no matter how hurt we get, how vicious a break-up may have been, or how much one never wants to feel like this again, eventually we all find ourselves in a relationship again. I suppose the benefits outweigh the risks.
Usually when I’m in one of those conversations with a break-up-ee, I find myself thinking about what my next, eventual relationship may be like. One thing I’ve noticed is that recently I’ve got a lot more picky about what kind of person I’ll be looking for. I’m not really too sure why I’ve done this, in the past it only mattered if I connected and generally liked the girl. Maybe I’ve set so many standards as some type of self-defense mechanism – if they have or don’t have this quality, then I don’t run the risk of X happening like in the last relationship. Or maybe it’s because I just know myself better than I did a few years ago and am able to recognize what type of person I’d be compatible with easier. Or maybe it’s because in the past I haven’t abided by what I’d like to find in a person and now I’m more determined to stick by those qualities. I suppose, though, it doesn’t really matter. I’m picky and that’s all there is to it, you’re just going to have to deal with it.
I realize that everyone has some set of standards they look for in a mate, conscious or not, it’s just the amount that I have, I think, is crazy.
Anyway, my thoughts are with those who’ve had their hearts ripped out recently.
And, readers, please share your "getting-over-it" rituals and what you may or may not look for choosing a mate (I realize I didn’t share mine but we can’t be here all day. Maybe in another entry). It’d be interesting to read what you guys have to say.
The Offspring / Fix You
before i break up with someone, i usually prepare myself for it for months subconsciously. i hate being surprised like that…so i tell myslef tht it will probably end..they always do in some way. even marriages…might end up divorcing or the relationship ends because of death. so i remind myself it will not last. ah…i got a call and forgot what i was talking about..i’m sorry lol..lost mtrain of thought. i guess, break ups hurt for me, but i prepare enough in advance it doesn’t shake me as it does others..
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I’ll leave mine later 🙂 lol have to type it ALL up. I have always known you have higher qualities in a woman that you want, you just didn’t act like – or really let anyone know.
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I’ve always found that break ups happen in groups. Break Up Season, i call it. I’ve done the getting laid as soon as possible thing, but it never helps me. It makes me worse. It always results in thoughts like “he isn’t doing this right, and my ex wouldn’t have done it like that, and this guys penis is the wrong shape” blah blah blah. My break up ritual involves getting a haircut, maybe a new colour, and taking up some sort of new activity to keep me distracted.
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Breaking up = shit happens. Ritual = find music and keep busy. I am dull.
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I married my high school sweetheart 40 years ago. Any advice I could give would be speculative.
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haha. I have upped my standards to no longer dating men who live with their parents, Gemini’s or anyone with out a bank account. Lol. 🙂
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I cry for about 2 weeks, then I do something self-destructive like get really drunk or hang out with people I shouldn’t. Then when I’m done with that I have a ritual burning of love objects (letters, mementos, etc.)
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I have a bad habit of putting off a breakup until the relationship basically has no pulse. But somehow I wind up with guys who still, even at that point, haven’t realized it. And then, when it’s over, I cut my hair and buy a new outfit and go out for a drink by myself. I have no idea why, but if I look back, after every breakup I have done that. Weird, eh? Hope things are well with you! *hugs*
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RYN: I just listened to Kerry’s speech. Outstanding. You’re right.
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I totally didn’t see this entry when it was first posted! 🙂 I’m not good at breaking up. I will wait until there’s no other way of dealing with the problems in the relationship. When I do finally get out I generally pamper myself a little and hang out with friends until I’m comfortable being solo once again.
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Well…I’m not voting for Mccain anyway so it’s kind of a moot point but…she is pretty much a nightmare. The idea of her being a heartbeat away from the presidency makes me sick to my stomach. The worst part is that in my state if you aren’t excited and voting for Mccain because of this people act like you’re a traitor to Alaska.
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A fav of mine wrote an entry about Palin I thought pretty much said it all: http://www.opendiary.com/entryview.asp?authorcode=A758067&entry=21112
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