Band Practice and Stuff

SOOOOOO I found out more from that University where I thought my application might have gotten lost. It wasn’t lost, it was still really weird how it unfolded, them putting me on the waitlist without notifying me. ANYWAY it’s long past, things worked out at a different university, and my life didn’t go down that path. I guess I didn’t have a chance, even tho people told me I could have applied again. I wasn’t gonna tho, I didn’t want to. And yeah.

BUT it did make me think about my life paths and how I got to where I am, the things that could have been, the things that were never gonna be.

ANYWAY my friends and I started a ukulele band the other day. Like, literally yesterday. We all brought our ukuleles and none of us knew how to play. L. had a head start on Mark and I though because she has played guitar. Anyway, we had some chord charts. That was about it. Mark told us about a version of a Madonna song he had seen her play on uke tho, and showed us a video of her performing True Blue with a ukulele. And it’s pretty, and mostly simple. We tried to learn it, but eventually he had to go and I had to do things. Anyway, we practiced and found a video with a guy giving a lesson on it. He had song charts for it too, I found those today and sent them to the band. Ha ha, the band. Like literally we mostly don’t know what we are doing, except for L. who is in a real band and has played for years, since she was a teen.

Anyway, today I got real into it and practiced and practiced and practiced. I got the chords down, and sort of got the down down up down up down up strum pattern down. But I am having trouble transitioning between F and G. So it needs work. I can do it, it’s not impossible!

I did laundry today and got a phone call from the fertility clinic while I was in the laundry room. They need me to block off all of Wednesday afternoon in case stuff comes up and I get delayed. So I am prepared! I’m fucking nervous. It’s gonna finally answer the question of if there is hope in freezing my eggs. If I can afford it, if I get partially funded, what the time frame is gonna be, etc. I’m gonna have to pay for some fertility tests. I don’t know what to expect.

Tomorrow I have a video due. I’m gonna just make a few more adjustments and then send it in. I’m nervous! I hope it goes well, it’s a cute video. I think it will be awesome.

I shot some video tonight, just me talking to the camera about my feelings about wanting to have a baby, why my situation is complicated, etc. It’s difficult. I dunno, we’ll see what happens. I hope to make a video out of my journey. I don’t know what I would call it.

Mark is my sperm donor, and he talked to me about it when we had band practice yesterday. I actually told L. afterwards when she and I went to dinner together. She was pretty excited to find out it’s him, which was cute. But yeah, my situation is so damned complicated. My ex still hasn’t decided yay or nay on the surrogacy thing. And Jessie was always telling me it’s a lot of pressure to put on someone, and it IS, but like I didn’t know who else I could ask who I trusted that much.

I went to a meeting tonight for a thing Jessie and I are involved in, but Jessie had another work thing going on and couldn’t come. So I didn’t see her. I felt kind of weird about it, wondering if I would see her, not wanting to at the same time. I know she looks at me a specific way when she sees me that I could almost dupe myself into believing she would ask me out finally, or follow me down a hallway and pin me against the wall and kiss me. But she isn’t gonna do any of those things.

And I have a second date coming up in a week and a bit anyway, with someone cute and my age and open to monogamy and kids, so I shouldn’t even think about her.

Tomorrow I have to finish this video, get in touch with someone about maybe a shoot, and help paint an apartment. I’m not really looking forward to any of that, except some friends will also be helping paint.

I just want to veg. It’s not fair that film work takes so much of the summer, when most people have vacations. I won’t get to vacation until November. Bummer.