Flirty Jerks

So today I got my dogs home. I also quit this very stressful board I was on. I felt like I was being thrown under the bus, and it pissed me off, and I had been planning to step down from my executive position anyway because I was Interim, but I got an email that kind of sealed the deal today and I was like fuck this. I had felt really unheard and unappreciated as a board member, and the one obvious easy thing we needed to do to resolve a problem kept being something no one wanted to do except for two of us because of “optics.” UGH fucking optics. ANYWAY that whole responsibility is gone and I’m fucking relieved. I also kind of felt that my friend who was our employee threw me under the bus for not doing something she didn’t tell me she wanted me to do. UGH ANYWAY it’s over.

I still haven’t texted Jessie, and I can see our text history is sliding further back in my phone. Like her number is still there, but it’s not saved to my contacts with her name. She hasn’t texted me either. She did finally like something I posted on Instagram today. UGH this feels so high school. I don’t know about sending her a straightforward email confronting her on this stuff, obviously if she isn’t texting me either she isn’t really missing me. My friends think it’s weird she told me she was in counselling with her partner. I guess I think that’s weird too. I don’t know, I feel like if she values me she should hold up her end of this friendship. It feels shitty being the only one who texts first. It says a lot about how much she value me and my friendship. I started reading articles today about text relationships and it made me realize that’s basically what we have. It’s garbage! That’s not meaningful. I was talking briefly about it with my friend today and she was saying that it’s a false intimacy. And it is. And also it’s really a slam against my worth as a person. Like I’m good enough to text but not good enough to hang out.

I mean probably the only reason we only text is because she’s comfortable with that and likes having me close but not too close. But yeah that sucks.

Anyway fuck, it’s been a weird day. I’m glad it’s almost over. And my laptop started having trouble charging. Which is super irritating. I’m gonna plug it back in shortly and hope it works. I’m really pressed to finish my work and there’s really only this laptop to write on. My backup laptop is too old and obsolete to use the latest scriptwriting software on. Ugh.

Man I am glad I am off that board. That was fucking stressful.

And I’m sad about Jessie not texting me yet, maybe never again. But I know there’s someone better out there for me, someone who would actually care about me and give me some attention without me begging. Fuck. I don’t know, when she first flirted with me she seemed really dominant and it was really appealing. But like, maybe she is just a flirty asshole.